$500 Is The deal Breaker?...I Guess So?

Beemerboy

Just One More Coat
I ran this on a BMW site last week, just to get this off my mind...I received a lot of replies to the thread..some very positive & understanding, others offering up money manging tips and others that will less than positive because of passed issues in the same area...I thought to post it here just to see what you all think...I know there is one member here that posts at this BMW site that posted on that thread as well....thanks for listening


In November of last year, I fell on some hard times with income, and asked a good friend if he could lend me $500 for about a month…it took me about 3 months to get that back to him and communicated that during that time, income didn’t pickup until the top of the year. During that second & third month this guy was all over me about the cash, stating what I had promised. I told him that I would set up a payment plan but he wanted the whole amount at once. So I saved up until that point and sent him a cashier’s check. The phone calls went to emails and gradually turned nasty to the point that I stopped responding. Until I sent him the check and then it stopped completely.

What bothers me most about this is during that time that I owed him the cash and the last 8 years. I have known this person we got to know each other very well…when he received a DUI, I was his wheels for a while driving him about every where I could. He lives close to 12 miles round trip for me.

I invited him to dinner with my family, once to twice a week, mostly weekends and holidays and even picked him up so that I could help him save on the taxi one way…I can safely say that was at least 400 times. I cooked private dinner parties up at his house, and helped him in many ways with out hesitation, over the years..IMO I could have not offered this person more of myself than I did. I figured that’s what friendship was all about.

However I can’t get over that $500 was the deal breaker on a 8 year friendship. Maybe that friendship wasn't as deep as I was led to believe? who knows?

Thanks for listening I guess the thing about, do not borrow money from friends unless you want to ruin it is true in this case.
 
If you owed me $500 dollars I'd still be your friend because of all the interest I'd be charging you. :D

Sorry to hear it Dave. Different people handle things in different ways I guess.
 
My philosophy is that loaning (or borrowing) money to/from a friend can lead to hard feelings, and since I don't want to ruin a friendship over something like that I handle it a little differently.

If it's a good friend that needs the money I'll just give it to them. If they want and are able to eventually pay it back then great, if not then I haven't lost a friend.

The last amount that I lent to a friend was to buy a business. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for him and I was glad to help. He did have a plan to pay back his "investors" in a certain time frame and include interest. When it became obvious that his business wasn't starting off quite as strong as he hoped I told him to not be in a hurry to pay me back.

It has now been about 6 years and he is still struggling to keep his doors open and creditors at bay. If his business fails will I ever get my money back? There's a good chance that I might not, but if there is ever a way for him to pay me back he'll eventually do so. He's my best friend and even if I loose that money it was well invested to give him that chance, even if it doesn't work out.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd value a friendship a lot more than $500. It's a pity that your friend didn't see it that way, especially since you were communicating to him your intentions. There are some things that money can't buy, and a good friend is one of those. It's a pity that he let a late payback cost him a true friendship.
 
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd value a friendship a lot more than $500. It's a pity that your friend didn't see it that way, especially since you were communicating to him your intentions. There are some things that money can't buy, and a good friend is one of those. It's a pity that he let a late payback cost him a true friendship.

Thanks this was my feelings all along about this..the value of the friendship vs the money..I didn't run from this I embraced it...until I had it paid..what he did in the course of that was irreparable.
 
Wow that guy really sounds shallow. I guess you really find out who your friends are. What I don't get is how it seems he forgot the oodles of favors. I recently lost a good friend over an agruement. I always helped him out and he quickly forgot and turned on mke when I asked him for a favor. Atleast he's out of your hair.
 
I'm not answering. :wall

:surrender
I think I should have used the surrender flag on the other place.
 
Well, as an alternate possibility, how much hardship did the "friend" incur as a result of loaning you $500? Maybe he was having trouble making ends meet after the month? Maybe his wife/gf/parent/whatever was on his case about it too? Does the "friend" still expect to have dinners with you? Has there been any contact since or has the door closed for good? (you mentioned the e-mails and calls for the money stopped, I wasn't sure if everything ended or not.)

No real earth shattering perspective here, just seeing if there might be a second side to the story that hadn't been fully explored. (Maybe the "friend" hasn't been willing to discuss why he "changed" either. :dunno: )

If it turns out that the friend was that superficial, maybe it's actually an important life lesson that you learned when only $500 was at stake and not something life altering.
 
Well, as an alternate possibility, how much hardship did the "friend" incur as a result of loaning you $500? Maybe he was having trouble making ends meet after the month? Maybe his wife/gf/parent/whatever was on his case about it too? Does the "friend" still expect to have dinners with you? Has there been any contact since or has the door closed for good? (you mentioned the e-mails and calls for the money stopped, I wasn't sure if everything ended or not.)

No real earth shattering perspective here, just seeing if there might be a second side to the story that hadn't been fully explored. (Maybe the "friend" hasn't been willing to discuss why he "changed" either. :dunno: )

If it turns out that the friend was that superficial, maybe it's actually an important life lesson that you learned when only $500 was at stake and not something life altering.

I stated this in another forum that no he wasn't hurting for the cash....in that time (3 months) he took two vacations...again that's not taking away from owing him...As for the dinners since he was a single guy I invited him over for dinner often, just so he would have someone to eat with and be around a family life...he seemed to enjoy it.

As for any further contact based on the way this was handled, I have no intentions of talking to him again...after 8 years of pouring myself out on this, I don't feel like this was handled in the proper manner....
 
I'm not answering. :wall

:surrender
I think I should have used the surrender flag on the other place.

I had that thread taken down as it was getting into a shouting match...Seems that some wanted to offer up advice that was not requested..and the PM's that I was getting was unreal...some are quite passionate about these subjects.
 
I had that thread taken down as it was getting into a shouting match...Seems that some wanted to offer up advice that was not requested..and the PM's that I was getting was unreal...some are quite passionate about these subjects.

I didnt realize you were getting pm's besides mine.
I still wonder if I'm the only one who got demerits.
 
I didnt realize you were getting pm's besides mine.
I still wonder if I'm the only one who got demerits.

About 4 posters where sending PMs...much like yourself they where supportive and constructive...except one who after I had the thread removed decided to take it to PM...I turned that person in for harassment...Again some are either very passionate, or deranged.
 
I may be a little egotistical but I still think I called it right.

One has to realize that no matter how you tell the story, I was not in the right completely. Constructive criticism, incite, etc...Was expected and welcomed...however the attack on me about money management and how could I phantom owning a BMW with a 500 buck loan outstanding became a bit much for me.

As I stated..walk in mile in someones else shoes before you past judgement!
 
I had the oil changed just recently...150 bucks...I run synthetic oil.
I also run synthetic oil. $60 for the Pontiacs or the Hondas for oil, filter, 12 point checkup. Top off all the fluids and see if they can find anything they can get you to have them fix. :D
 
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