Some Advice Would Be Helpful.....Thanks!

Beemerboy

Beemerboy

Just One More Coat
Some years ago I met a guy (single divorced, this will have meaning later in the explanation) in a local waterhole that I go to on Friday nights....its a dive bar that I like....kind of a Cheers bar if you will....Over the last seven years we have become quite close as friends shared a lot of very personal info...a very trusted friend to say the least...in that time we have spent countless hours at each others house...my wife and son are pretty much always with me on these occasions...dinners, poolside, etc...I think you get drift.

Here is the rub...he can be some what flirtatious with the ladies and this spills over to my wife...of course in the start I didn't give it much thought...I am VERY secure in my relationship with her...however this last week, they made a date to go walking together on Saturday (today) to get some exercise for the diets that we are all on...I don't care that much about the walking thing...other than my wife said squat to me about it..until last night while he was having dinner with us....and the small talk about what shoes and clothes she should be wearing....the different places that they should walk at....sort of a secretive talk if you will....its not that I think my wife is having or will have an affair with this guy...its just the guy to guy bond thing that I am bewildered over...I haven't said anything just yet....the best thing for me is to think about it then attack if you will...this way I don't make an a$$ of myself.

So what are some of your thoughts?

I will be working on a car today...ironically enough his car...while he takes my wife walking...:confused:

Thanks!
 
Maybe it's time to discuss the situation with your wife.
Discuss, not confront.

Mention to her:
1. That your friend seems to be a little more attached to her than necessary.
2. That maybe he is using her company to fill a void in his life.
3. That you love her and aren't interested in sharing her.
4. That maybe you and her can find him someone else to walk with. :)

She may not even realize that he is paying more attention to her than you are comfortable with. Women definitely need attention. Be sure that you aren't neglecting her or taking her for granted. It's pretty easy to do over a period of time.
 
I agree with Charles. Talk to her about your concerns, but don't accuse of course. I'm sure you know that already.
 
Flag on the play.
Too much close personal time with your wife period.
I went through similar things with my ex-wife(the reason why she is the ex).It may be innocent now,but he will try to escalate things with her over time.
 
Squirtgun said:
I went through similar things with my ex-wife(the reason why she is the ex).It may be innocent now,but he will try to escalate things with her over time.
Click to expand...

If it's going to happen it's going to happen ... yes, it sucks but if she's intent on doing something she will..Beemer you are going to have to trust her:love:
 
If you are uncomfortable with the situation, then let her know that you are.
She may not realize, it may even surprise her that you still are the jealous type :D

"J"
 
dave its time to take up walking ..its better to lose a friend than a wife .. they are both out of bounds and you better nip it in the bud .. if she gets defensive you have a problem . its also not a good example for your kids .. i think its time to cool things down with this guy and start walking with with her .. hate to be an alarmist but im sure that if given the opportunity he will have a run at your wife .. good luck pal
 
Poorboy said:
If it's going to happen it's going to happen ... yes, it sucks but if she's intent on doing something she will..Beemer you are going to have to trust her:love:
Click to expand...

I trusted too much and you are right if she is a willing participant it will happen no matter what.After 3 indiscretions on her part she had to go.
Dave,
bigron is right of she gets defensive you have a bigger problems.
 
dave its time to take up walking ..its better to lose a friend than a wife .. they are both out of bounds and you better nip it in the bud .. if she gets defensive you have a problem . its also not a good example for your kids .. i think its time to cool things down with this guy and start walking with with her .. hate to be an alarmist but im sure that if given the opportunity he will have a run at your wife .. good luck pal
Click to expand...

Wise words. I agree 100% with bigron62. Better to lose a "friend" than someone you built a life with.

Trust your instincts, he may not be a "friend" after all.
 
The first thing I thought of was the Dharma and Greg episode when Dharma became better friends with Greg's poker group than he was.

How old are you all?
How long have you been married?
First time?

My degree is in construction so I went to school mostly with guys and work mostly with guys.
It's only been recently that I've had women friends.
I didn't get married until I was 37, so am independent and responsible.
I don't ask permission, I know right from wrong.
I pay for my own car, maintain my own car, make the house payment, had the townhouse before we were married, have my own career, put up the Christmas decoration, looks like I'll have to take them down myself too....

My husband is on the jealous side and it royally pisses me off.
That cramps my style big time.
I know his mom left his father for another man.
But that was her.

As I said, my job is with men.
He knows them and is fine with that.
Hell, he better since I have to work longer hours than he does.

I am also developing a photography business.
Again, lots of men.
Different personality than construction guys.
He doesn't know them or get the artistic, night people they are.
He doesn't help with the work.
Just wants the fun part.
Then on top of it all, I get an attitude when I socialize/network with them.
I resent it.
He's backed off a little bit but I am ready to tell him off big time if it happens again.

I have an interest in car detailing.
Again, mostly men.
Don't know your personalities but he doesn't know you at all.
Doesn't help me with the work.
Just wants me to spoon feed the information I learn from ya'll.
Gets in my way.
Last year he made a big deal about wanting to go to Detailfest, and you know it wasn't because he wanted to learn about products or meet you.
It was because I wanted to meet ya'll.
On top of it all he wasn't ready to go when I wanted to.
I had to wait for him.
Cramps my style.
Pisses me off.

And every time I get pissed off, I tell myself I won't live that way.
Not that I would tell him to get lost but I might after enough of this crap.

I'm not saying you don't have anything to be concerned about.
Just look at the big picture, the whole situation.
Are there precedences that make you concerned?
Her history, not yours.

Don't get an attitude or piss her off.
She might not give you the extra chances I've given my husband (and he's not even bright enough to realize it.)

Suzanna
a chick's point of view
 
(Mt 19:6) Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (KJV)

(Mr 10:9) What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.(KJV)

(Mt 19:6) So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Then let not that which has been joined by God be parted by man. (BBE)


Dave I'm a firm believer that marriage is a very sacred union between two people that God has join together, and that no man or woman on God's green earth should ever tamper with, or destroy that union. I believe your friend (wolf in sheep's clothing :notme:) is committing a personal foul in this game. :redcard: INCROCHMENT as they say in the NFL. He has no business asking or taking YOUR wife out on a date. Even if it is to quote unquote exercise. If you guy's all go out to dinner and pool parties together, how come you can't work out together. Aren't you all doing the same diet:confused:

If he can't work out with the both of you then he is up short my brother. Tell him to pump his brakes, and put it in reverse because homie don't play that!!

I also agree with what Charles said " Women definitely need attention. Be sure that you aren't neglecting her or taking her for granted. It's pretty easy to do over a period of time." Women are emotional creatures and they desire and need lots of attention and affection. When we as husbands began to drop the ball in this department, it leaves the door open for some Joe blow to come along and fill that void. Giving them attention that they should be receiving from us.

Dave, I'm only 29yr old and have been married for 7yrs I don't know everything there is to know about marriage. However my wife and I don't do anything with the opposite sex with out one another present such as parties, dinners, or exercising. We both trust each other. We just choose not to leave any avenues open for one of us to fall into adultery. This may sound a little old fashion, but in today's world some people just don't respect the sanctity of marriage.
I hope this helps you out my friend.
 
Some great advice here. I don't have any to add but I would like to say that it's nice to see so many good responses. :bigups

:dcrules
 
Thanks all for the great advice this forum is truly a family!

I had a few talks with the wife about this..I don't really think that she realized that I was bothered about this...She really didn't think that it was that big a deal..she dose now!

I trust my wife and don't / didn't think that her intent was any other than to walk with this guy...however I know human nature and men's inperticular and over time that relationship of walking could escalate to something even more. When I got married the wife and talked about affairs and I said that if that would happen it WOULD result in divorce....no questions asked...its something that YOU control....up to this point its not been an issue what so ever.

Again thanks at this point we seem to be on the same page...will watch and see what happens but I doubt that she will be walking with him again or anything else for that reason.
 
Suzanna said:
The first thing I thought of was the Dharma and Greg episode when Dharma became better friends with Greg's poker group than he was.

How old are you all?
How long have you been married?
First time?

My degree is in construction so I went to school mostly with guys and work mostly with guys.
It's only been recently that I've had women friends.
I didn't get married until I was 37, so am independent and responsible.
I don't ask permission, I know right from wrong.
I pay for my own car, maintain my own car, make the house payment, had the townhouse before we were married, have my own career, put up the Christmas decoration, looks like I'll have to take them down myself too....

My husband is on the jealous side and it royally pisses me off.
That cramps my style big time.
I know his mom left his father for another man.
But that was her.

As I said, my job is with men.
He knows them and is fine with that.
Hell, he better since I have to work longer hours than he does.

I am also developing a photography business.
Again, lots of men.
Different personality than construction guys.
He doesn't know them or get the artistic, night people they are.
He doesn't help with the work.
Just wants the fun part.
Then on top of it all, I get an attitude when I socialize/network with them.
I resent it.
He's backed off a little bit but I am ready to tell him off big time if it happens again.

I have an interest in car detailing.
Again, mostly men.
Don't know your personalities but he doesn't know you at all.
Doesn't help me with the work.
Just wants me to spoon feed the information I learn from ya'll.
Gets in my way.
Last year he made a big deal about wanting to go to Detailfest, and you know it wasn't because he wanted to learn about products or meet you.
It was because I wanted to meet ya'll.
On top of it all he wasn't ready to go when I wanted to.
I had to wait for him.
Cramps my style.
Pisses me off.

And every time I get pissed off, I tell myself I won't live that way.
Not that I would tell him to get lost but I might after enough of this crap.

I'm not saying you don't have anything to be concerned about.
Just look at the big picture, the whole situation.
Are there precedences that make you concerned?
Her history, not yours.

Don't get an attitude or piss her off.
She might not give you the extra chances I've given my husband (and he's not even bright enough to realize it.)

Suzanna
a chick's point of view
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot.....I'm 53 the wife is 41 and he is 59 we are all very mature people...you can read my response I have made my position on this very well known to her...that should be enough if not then thats a road that I will go down then
 
I missed this tread until just now. Sounds like it should be all worked out. Some good advice in this tread. Relationships are complicated, heck, I have yet to get one right. lol

Just let us know if you need us to ruff someone up a bit and send a message... just teasing, lol
 
I also didn't get a chance to respond until now. But I think you did the right thing.

Talking is the best medicine. It will only eat away at you if something is bothering and you keep it bottled up inside, no matter what the situation is. While there maybe no intention at all sometimes people don't and or won't realize that an action that he or she did genuinely affects the other person.
 
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