Parental help needed

[Adam91LX]

Being a police officer for 11 years and also a 4th and 5th Grade D.A.R.E. Officer, I see this all of the time...and actually see this with my brother-in-laws 8 year old child. They have no respect for him. This is in part because my sister-in-law does not back my brother-in-law. So, if your sister is married or the father is still active in the child's life, then they both need to stick by each other in their decisions or the child won't have any respect for either of them.



The way a child acts in school, is a direct relation to how he is raised at home. (I don't want you to get the idea that I think your sister is a bad mother, because that is not what I am saying.) What I am saying is that she needs to set some ground rules. She should set up an action/discipline chart. For example, if he gets a yellow flag, then the consequence is no X-Box for 2 days and stick by it...and don't give in right away. Follow this procedure with as many things as she can think of, and add to it as they happen since she can't forsee every situation. This will help gain the child's respect. She also has to follow it EVERY time and not let it slide. She can also start out with a warning, then if it happens again, something more severe like taking away the video games, etc.



Another thing is that she should not be afraid to discipline her child. A small whack on the a** is not child abuse, it is parenting and correction. She just has to make sure that she doesn't take it to the levels of abuse.



She also needs to teach him some responsibility...such as cleaning his room, doing dishes or maybe just taking out the garbage once a week...instead of laying in front of a computer screen/tv all day. Just like when I was growing up...I couldn't play until all homework was done and the dishes were washed and dried after dinner. There were some days that I didn't do the dishes and I didn't get to go out and play. I learned quick!



Finally, she needs to be a parent, and not a best friend to the child. That doesn't mean that she can't do things with the child, but the child needs to understand the difference between parental/adult guidance and being a best friend.



I hope this helps and everything works out for your sister and her child.

100% right. I love my kids but they know I am boss. They know they can come to me with anything. I will listen first then correct, or say right on.

 

[Junebug]

I know first hand what it's like to have the run of the house at an early age, my folks read that damn pointy eared Dr Spock book and therefore didn't whip my butt when I really needed it. I grew up thinking I knew it all and after flunking out of three colleges and working a crappy job plus married to a be-otch - I wised up. The be-otch and I called it quits and I married a great girl, changed my life and I've been happy for the last twenty years. When we had kids, I knew what to do, I raised them with a zero tolerance for BS, I didn't blink an eye about popping their butts when they messed up and NEVER let them think I wouldn't do it again twice as hard next time. Guess what, there was no "next times" . I proud of my daughters, they are 11 and 14 and they are doing great in school and all I ever hear from their teachers is how well behaved they are, damn right, I raised them right. Parenting is a hard job, take the easy way and give in to your kid and he/she will own you.



BTW - TV shows like the "Super Nanny" make my blood boil!