Let me preface this by saying that Eric contacted me in a PM to help him understand why I don't think his card passes the test. The following is my reply based on some experience with marketing small businesses. I decided to post this here to help everyone, not just Eric.
First off the area you live in is surrounded by very wealthy clientel. With Los Angeles to the North, San Diego to the south, and Riverside to the east, you have a very broad potential market. You need to realize this and hopefully this is the market you want to cater to.
Your customers are concerned only with filling their needs, and good advertising is always written with those needs in mind.
The better you understand your target audience and what their concerns are, the more effectively you can target your advertising.
Remember to ask yourself when reviewing your adverstising, “who cares?� Do most people really care about the processes used in the detail? Emphasize benefits, not features
Use language that your least informed customers might use, and make sure your ad is written in terms anyone can understand.
Now you need to differentiate yourself from the competition
Customers today have more products and services to choose from than ever. Effective advertising makes your service stand out in the buyer’s mind, and it convinces her that it is better and different than what the competition has to offer. Notice that I said her, because more than half your customers will be women. Would a woman like your present advertising?
This concept often is referred to as a “unique selling proposition.� In other words, what is it about your product or service that makes it unique? What do you offer that your competitors can’t? Why should customers do business with you when they can choose from a number of other competitors?
Use headlines to gain attention. Few customers will get to the body of the ad unless the headline grabs their attention first. Your headline must convey a benefit or your unique selling proposition.
Keep it short
The most effective advertising conveys your most important points as quickly and effectively as possible. To distill your thoughts, start by writing down everything you want to say about your service, keeping your target audience in mind the whole time.
Once you have your master list of benefits and features, prioritize them. What is the benefit you think your customer would be most interested in? What features of your service support that benefit? How would you convey these benefits and features in as few (but still powerful) words as possible?
Close with a call to action
Once you raise your customer’s interest in your service, spell out how they can move forward with procuring your service. Never assume a prospective customer will know what to do next. Tell them specifically:
Call Now!
Visit our website now!
Finally, read everything you write out loud. This final read-through will help you catch grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that may look fine on paper until you hear yourself say it. Restructure and reword sections that make you stumble so your readers don't stumble as well. It will provide the finishing touches to your carefully crafted advertising.
Now that the little blog on advertising is out of the way lets distill it down and look at your copy.
The front of the card just has pictures of cars. If I'm a woman looking at that it means nothing to me. Again, probably 3/4 of your clients will be women. As a man looking at your card, I really don't see anything special. The only remotely stand out pictures is of the Rolls Royce Phantom, and that has a picture of you in it and under a tent. If it was outside in the setting sun and looked absolutely dripping wet and shiney, then you would have something. Or if it was parked in front of a mansion or something.
Again...the pictures of you with the buffer and the vacuum show the process, not the results
None of the pictures show the benefits. The MDX comes close, but the house behind it and the reflection of the car in the side kill the picture. Look in car magazines, womens magazines, any magazine and see the pictures of the cars or other appliances. Most car pictures are taken at sunset with a "tobacco" filter on the lens or at least a polarizing filter on the lens. They are also taken at different angles and different distances. If you must include a picture on the front, pick one picture and make it a WOW picture.
On to the back of your card. I count 6 different fonts. That alone makes for an amateur looking attempt. Your Company name and logo are two of the smallest parts of the rear of the card. It should be the opposite. Think about investing the money in having a logo professional designed if you can't do it yourself. Your current logo looks like a microsoft wordart cut and pasted into the card. The little star/bullet hole things also serve no purpose.
Again..advertise the benefits of your services. Instead of "Available 7 days a week" doesn't it sound better to say "Your time is important, that's why we offer the convenience of appointments 7 days a week!"
Instead of "Mobile, We come to you" how about "We bring our services to you, so that you don't have to interupt your busy day"
It's all about selling the benefits to the consumer. Think of it like this. All TV's display a picture right? But yet everyone thinks they need a flat screen plasma or lcd tv that is at least 42 inches. As a detailer do you really need to spring for the $85 jar of Souveran when a $7.50 bottle of meguairs will do almost the same thing? Both are carnuba waxes, both will offer protection, but Souveran claims their benefits over the other waxes.
Think about it a bit and you will see it everywhere you go and in every commercial you see. It's tried and true and it works. Get your mom/wife/girlfriend/aunt/grandma/second cousing twice removed to proofread things and see if they appeal to a woman. Then the same for men. If you pass that test then go from there.
I hope this helps you in your quest! Talk to Mshu7 and see how much his wife will charge to help you out. His marketing and design is some of the best I've seen on this forum, and he accredits that to his wife helping him out.
Shoot me a PM sometime and we'll exchange info.