I bought a doughnut, and he tried to give me a reciept for the doughnut.

WHAAAAAT? It's no surprise that he was into the reefer, but I didn't know he was about the OD-able dope. Very very funny guy for sure.



"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."



"Rice is great if you are hungry and want 2000 of something."



"I don't have a girlfriend, but I DO know a girl that would be mad if she heard me say that."
 
Oh look, a frog. Maybe he will settle near me.



Dufrane, party of two. Dufrance, party of two.



Miller, party of four. Miller, party of four.



But what about the Dufranes? They could be in someone's trunk right now. What's worse? They're hungry.



Miller, search party of four.
 
Mitch was great. I'll definately miss his comedy.



"Last week I helped my friend stay put. That's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure he did not start to load stuff into a truck."



"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said no. But I want a regular banana later, so, yeah."



"Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?"
 
Now I'm seeing stuff about a heart attack.



Maybe an OD induced heart attack :nixweiss



I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up real quick?



One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I am older. You son of a *****, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera...



An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see a escalator temporarily outta order sign, just escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience... we appologize for the fact that you can still get up there"



Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right.
 
If you see a tightrope walker walking down the sidewalk and he trips, that would be completely unacceptable.



I'm staying at this hotel. I can't remember the name of it, but I do know that there are two trees involved.



Two-in-one shampoo is a bs term. Two cannot fit into one. That is why two was invented. If you had two in one, it would be overflowing...the bottle would be all sticky and s***.



*edit* When someone hands me a flier, it's like "here, you throw this away."



Mongoose, did you see that he was scheduled to play at the new Funny Bone at Town Center next week:(
 
thinksnow said:
Mongoose, did you see that he was scheduled to play at the new Funny Bone at Town Center next week:(
Click to expand...



You're kidding. That's a bummer. I'm sure I probbably could have gotten some tickets through FM99 or something... :(



I got a rental car, an accidentally left the emergency parking brake on for ten minutes. That doesn't say much for me, but it says even less for the "Emergency Parking Brake." It should be called the "Emergency Make The Car Smell Funny Lever."



I like swiss cheese. It's the only cheese you can draw with a pencil and identify.



I went to the store to buy a candle holder, but they were out. So I bought a cake.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top