I don’t know what I would have done in Yosemite’s situation -- but I do know I’d have been totally freaked out too. I also think that your response would depend a lot on whether you’re there with your wife/gf, and if so, her tolerance of Autopomania.
In my ideal world, the car’s owner would realize it’s no accident that of all the available spots in the neighbourhood to play, the kids have chosen the vicinity of your car. After all, it’s the coolest, shiniest, most wonderful thing in the neighbourhood. You’re a victim of your own success.
Realizing this, you excuse yourself from the crowd inside, telling them what you’re doing. You go outside and show the kids the car, and what it takes to keep her looking like that. You demonstrate a product on one of their bikes (whatever's on hand), showing how with a swipe or two, metal and paint sparkle. You then ask them to not go near the car because of its fragility, unless they come and get you first.
Or, you could save time by just going out there looking fierce, and yelling at them to get away from the %$@#@*(!!#& car.
I’d say Autopians shouldn’t be surprised by interest in their rides -- it's to be expected, and it fuels our pride. Ironically, a lack of interest would probably be of concern too. The problem comes when trying to draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable interest. It’s a tricky one, particularly since we’re required to behave within civilised, legal norms. Come to think of it, maybe a criminal lawyer could tell us what an infuriated owner is allowed to do to a red-handed vandal. Any criminal lawyers in the house?
It’s too bad you can’t just put a big sign on the parked car, saying “Please Don’t Touch.� Even if you softened the sign with humour (“Wanted Dead or Alive, the Last Person Who Touched my Car,� say, or a picture of a body bag, captioned “The last person who touched my car�), you’d still be inciting some to vandalize.
--3W