Ronkh
Wax Waster
The Florida Code
>
>
> When giving
> directions in Florida, you must always start with the words, "take
> I-75, "take I-4 "or "take I-95."
>
>
> When crossing
> the border into Florida forget all driving rules you
> ever
> knew.
>
>
> If you're a
> snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely
> cannot drive between the
> hours of 6 A.M. to 10 A.M. and 4 P.M. to 7 P.M. This
> is considered to be
> RUSH HOUR and you are not in any rush. NO EXCEPTIONS.
> But you will drive anyway.
>
>
> Freeways can
> only go north and south . . . Not east and west except
> Alligator Alley.
>
> Tolls are a
> fact of life, the state has to make money, so deal
> with it!
>
>
> I-275 ( Tampa
> area) will always be under construction ... that's
> the law and there is
> nothing anyone can do about it, period!
>
>
> 'A1A' and 'Alt.
> A1A' are the same road.
>
>
> Traffic lights are not timed and never will be.
>
>
> We measure the distance we travel in time - not miles.
>
>
> If you travel
> more than 5-10 miles on any road in any part of
> Florida without seeing an orange barricade, you're lost!
>
>
> If you miss
> your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, its perfectly
> acceptable to back up!
>
>
> Every street in
> Florida has both a name and a number (i.e. Adamo = Rt.
> 60) just for the
> heck of it -- and also for the pleasure we get from
> reaction of visitors when we give them directions.
>
>
> Once the light
> turns green, only 3 cars can go through the
> intersection eight more go
> through on yellow, and 4 more on red.
>
>
> Know the
> difference between SunPass, Sun Fest, Sun-Sentinel and
> Sun Trust.
>
>
> Flip flops,
> tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as
> business casual .
> Plaids and stripes of different colors at the same
> time are the norm.
>
>
> Your car's
> signal blinker means nothing. It will be left on at
> all times.
>
>
> English is our first and second language.
>
>
> It is perfectly
> acceptable to brag about the size of your emergency
> generator.
>
>
> We have
> alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite you.
> Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one.
>
>
> When a
> hurricane is headed our way, even though you have
> advance warning and you
> are told to be prepared, you're not a true
> Floridian unless you wait until
> the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick
> up plywood or to
> Publix to stock up water, ice, and potato chips.
>
>
> You know how to
> spell Okeechobee. There is an Okeechobee Lake, Town,
> County, Blvd, Street, and Avenue.
>
>
> Atrue
> Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends with
> someone who already
> owns one. That way you don't have to deal with any
> of the headaches.
>
>
> You weren't
> born here. If you were, you're angry that anyone
> else has moved here.
>
>
> There's always
> a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on nearly
> every corner - with more being built every day.
>
>
> When picking up
> a woman on South Beach, always check for an Adams
> apple.
>
>
> It's normal to
> sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.
>
>
> In south Florida the four seasons are summer.
>
>
> There is a city
> called 'The Villages' where 87,000 old people
> live that all drive golf
> carts and dance in the streets. 50% of these people
> are swingers ; the
> rest just got too old to care about it. (They have the
> highest number of cases of VD/STD in the state)
>
>
> Jupiter is a city, not a planet.
>
>
> Seniors have to
> do their errands during the weekdays . . not
> weeknights or weekends . . that's for the working folks.
>
>
> There are three
> types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, Flipper, and also a
> football team.
>
>
> You can't say;
> 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think
> that way, then go back up
> north. Just remember, I-95 and I-75 run both ways.
>
>
> No matter what
> they decide in Tallahassee you will never, ever be
> able to figure out your
> property taxes.
>
>
> Learn how to
> dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside. But
> inside any restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.
>
>
> With the
> slightest hint of a hurricane your house insurance
> will be cancelled.
>
>
> The biggest Asian pythons are in the Everglades.
>
>
> You want to live on a lake? Dig a hole.
>
>
> Early bird
> dinner starts at 4 but be there at 3. Have plastic
> bags in your purse or
> pocket for the packets of sugar, Splenda, etc.
>
>
> True Floridians
> rarely go to the local beach except Miami. These are
> recognized by the tobacco-colored leather skin.
>
>
> Don't think of
> going to Boca unless you are wearing at least once
> piece of gold lame'.
>
>
> Always be
> observant of cars backing through store windows or
> into canals and swimming pools.
>
>
> Note that most
> cars are driven by headless drivers. When seen there
> is always white hair
> and over-sized, black wrap-around sunglasses.
>
>
> This would be
> even funnier if it weren't so true
>
>
> GOD BLESS
> AMERICA
>
>
> When giving
> directions in Florida, you must always start with the words, "take
> I-75, "take I-4 "or "take I-95."
>
>
> When crossing
> the border into Florida forget all driving rules you
> ever
> knew.
>
>
> If you're a
> snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely
> cannot drive between the
> hours of 6 A.M. to 10 A.M. and 4 P.M. to 7 P.M. This
> is considered to be
> RUSH HOUR and you are not in any rush. NO EXCEPTIONS.
> But you will drive anyway.
>
>
> Freeways can
> only go north and south . . . Not east and west except
> Alligator Alley.
>
> Tolls are a
> fact of life, the state has to make money, so deal
> with it!
>
>
> I-275 ( Tampa
> area) will always be under construction ... that's
> the law and there is
> nothing anyone can do about it, period!
>
>
> 'A1A' and 'Alt.
> A1A' are the same road.
>
>
> Traffic lights are not timed and never will be.
>
>
> We measure the distance we travel in time - not miles.
>
>
> If you travel
> more than 5-10 miles on any road in any part of
> Florida without seeing an orange barricade, you're lost!
>
>
> If you miss
> your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, its perfectly
> acceptable to back up!
>
>
> Every street in
> Florida has both a name and a number (i.e. Adamo = Rt.
> 60) just for the
> heck of it -- and also for the pleasure we get from
> reaction of visitors when we give them directions.
>
>
> Once the light
> turns green, only 3 cars can go through the
> intersection eight more go
> through on yellow, and 4 more on red.
>
>
> Know the
> difference between SunPass, Sun Fest, Sun-Sentinel and
> Sun Trust.
>
>
> Flip flops,
> tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as
> business casual .
> Plaids and stripes of different colors at the same
> time are the norm.
>
>
> Your car's
> signal blinker means nothing. It will be left on at
> all times.
>
>
> English is our first and second language.
>
>
> It is perfectly
> acceptable to brag about the size of your emergency
> generator.
>
>
> We have
> alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite you.
> Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one.
>
>
> When a
> hurricane is headed our way, even though you have
> advance warning and you
> are told to be prepared, you're not a true
> Floridian unless you wait until
> the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick
> up plywood or to
> Publix to stock up water, ice, and potato chips.
>
>
> You know how to
> spell Okeechobee. There is an Okeechobee Lake, Town,
> County, Blvd, Street, and Avenue.
>
>
> Atrue
> Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends with
> someone who already
> owns one. That way you don't have to deal with any
> of the headaches.
>
>
> You weren't
> born here. If you were, you're angry that anyone
> else has moved here.
>
>
> There's always
> a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on nearly
> every corner - with more being built every day.
>
>
> When picking up
> a woman on South Beach, always check for an Adams
> apple.
>
>
> It's normal to
> sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.
>
>
> In south Florida the four seasons are summer.
>
>
> There is a city
> called 'The Villages' where 87,000 old people
> live that all drive golf
> carts and dance in the streets. 50% of these people
> are swingers ; the
> rest just got too old to care about it. (They have the
> highest number of cases of VD/STD in the state)
>
>
> Jupiter is a city, not a planet.
>
>
> Seniors have to
> do their errands during the weekdays . . not
> weeknights or weekends . . that's for the working folks.
>
>
> There are three
> types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, Flipper, and also a
> football team.
>
>
> You can't say;
> 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think
> that way, then go back up
> north. Just remember, I-95 and I-75 run both ways.
>
>
> No matter what
> they decide in Tallahassee you will never, ever be
> able to figure out your
> property taxes.
>
>
> Learn how to
> dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside. But
> inside any restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.
>
>
> With the
> slightest hint of a hurricane your house insurance
> will be cancelled.
>
>
> The biggest Asian pythons are in the Everglades.
>
>
> You want to live on a lake? Dig a hole.
>
>
> Early bird
> dinner starts at 4 but be there at 3. Have plastic
> bags in your purse or
> pocket for the packets of sugar, Splenda, etc.
>
>
> True Floridians
> rarely go to the local beach except Miami. These are
> recognized by the tobacco-colored leather skin.
>
>
> Don't think of
> going to Boca unless you are wearing at least once
> piece of gold lame'.
>
>
> Always be
> observant of cars backing through store windows or
> into canals and swimming pools.
>
>
> Note that most
> cars are driven by headless drivers. When seen there
> is always white hair
> and over-sized, black wrap-around sunglasses.
>
>
> This would be
> even funnier if it weren't so true
>
>
> GOD BLESS
> AMERICA
