Liquidating Contents of a Home...

[BudgetPlan1]

Damn, and I though I was being unreasonable and guilty when I get frustrated...that below is some serious WTF stuff. Karma always has a way of coming back, fortunately.

you can`t believe how $$ can really effect relationships ... my MIL is disgusted with the way her children are acting and just wants to die ... none of them are in need, so it makes no sense...

I also had a a cousin that recently died in one of "THOSE" places ... total disregard for the patients on their last leg ... Son is a wealthy retired IBM guy and just put his mother there to die .. yes, I unfriended him as soon as she died ....

[Stokdgs]

Brother,
I am sorry that you guys are doing this now.. My Prayers of Faith are offered for your Mom, Dad, you guys, and the rest of the Family..

I did this exact process for our dear Mama` starting the end of 2016 when she passed away..
My other siblings were completely at the end of their emotions to be of any help.. But they were with her much more than I, over her lifetime, so it worked better for me to go be with her the last few months of her life, and then begin the process of dealing with her little house..

I just took the time - months - after, and carefully, with much love, slowly unpacked her wonderful, sweetest of all spirits, LIFE, and decided what to do with all the things she and Dad had acquired over decades..

Salvation Army made many trips over to take about all the big furniture things away, and that helped so much.. It`s a free service as you know..

We were all raised up giving to others all our lives, so it was what we decided to do again with all their things.. How nice to think that someone would now be able to afford a nice bed, chairs, couch, etc., that they would not otherwise perhaps ever be able to have..

Some of my siblings decided to take a few things to remember them by, all the rest was just donated, and all the paper, etc., put in the blue recycle bin..
Hardest thing I ever had to do.. Went through boxes of Kleenex.. Eyes were always wet...

I believe that there is a certain amount of healing that comes from doing this with your hands and your heart... And for me anyway, I cannot think about it or write about it here even today, without needing to find a box of Kleenex again..

I know you said you don`t have the time, but wont your work give you some Bereavement Time off ? I certainly hope you guys get some time to just process this for a bit..

Along all the tears shed, I also had a few laughs all alone there ! My dear Mama` had a very nice pair of PLIERS hid away in one of the drawers of her Dresser...
I could have sure used those many times over the years I was there with her.. I brought those pliers home with me to always remind me of her little hands trying to use them for something.. And a couple of old, wooden spoons, I know she lovingly used for decades preparing meals for all of us, on all the major holidays, until she could no longer do it..

We are all here for you and your wife and Family...
Dan F

[glfnaz]

Budget, I am right about to face this myself. Mom`s house and mine. She`s 88 and it`s about time. Me, I need to downsize. Maintaining 1.5 acres and too many square feet of house is getting / has gotten old. For me it`s not a bankruptcy thing at all. I`ve got a bunch of equity in it, but the kids are moving out, it served it`s purpose, and well, it`s about time. Take good notes on what worked best for you Budget. I`ll be calling in a few months.

[Poorboy]

Damn, and I though I was being unreasonable and guilty when I get frustrated...that below is some serious WTF stuff. Karma always has a way of coming back, fortunately.

You can only hope it does .... it makes me look at how lucky I was to have a good relationship with my sister while she was alive and still have with my mother (picking her up at airport later), yet I see people my age who scream at their elderly parents without any regard as to who is watching...here in Florida where there are a lot of old people, i think the amount of verbal abuse is amplified.

[Coleroad]

Family got that way with my grandmothers death. I pretty much just avoided everyone because I knew it was coming. Obviously grandma did too. When I heard that according to her will that most everything went to charity, except personal effects that had sentimental value. I said out loud to myself " great job grandma, I couldn`t be more proud of you". She was a good smart woman. My parents death I pretty much stayed out of that too. All I wanted was a couple of pictures and a rug. I had to argue for the two pictures, didn`t even go on about the rug. Even though they had no memories of what the rug was, and where it came from. The pictures were more important.

[Lonnie]

Although not an issue in our small family (just the single brother and he`s doing just fine $$-wise) I have seen other families torn apart by the prospect of `free money` when a potential cash cow is nearing the end of life. Truly fascinating (and somewhat disturbing) to see the effect money has on people.

When forecasting projected costs of assisted living care vs lifespan, it`s a really odd feeling trying to guess how long a loved one will live and `hoping` that the end of a fruitful life coincides peacefully and naturally with the depletion of funds. It`s some pretty strange math for sure and with avg costs around the $8k per month level (sometimes more), definitely something that shows ya what you might have thought was a plentiful nest egg perhaps really isn`t. 10 years will likely rise to over a million $ as the need for care increases (assisted living vs skilled nursing)...that`s some serious coin.

Couldn`t imagine a sibling pushing for `Just put her in a nursing home, she doesn`t know any better...` to try and preserve inheritable dollars but ill bet it sure does happen. Had a good friend who was in an accident a few years ago, head injury, was pretty much (hopefully) unaware of anything (brain injury) for the next 4 years, 3 of which he spent in a Medicaid nursing home after his assets were depleted. We`d go to visit him often and the elderly they had `warehoused` there...a horrible, horrible existence (as was our friends). It`s both sad...and scary.

Budget Plan1:
You`ve run into the financial scenario I have sadly labeled "Economic Euthanasia". Basically it is the theory that IF you have enough money toward the end of your life, you will live longer; if not, you will pass away sooner. Sounds stupid, morbid, and ethically immoral. But it is a theory that if you can afford the medical and medicinal care that you need in later life, you will indeed live longer.

Once when discussion of this theory was presented to someone in dental waiting area as just idle conversation, a retired doctor overheard this and stated that it is true: almost one half of person`s total lifetime Medicaid payments are made in the last one or two months of life for someone over 78. He new first-hand that this was true based one his experience and observation in taking care of the elderly in the last moments of their life.

It also is tied directly to the quality of life we will have in our late life. Sad to say that your experience of putting someone in the nursing home or even assisted living can quickly eat up their retirement funds and suddenly the estate is garnished (taken over) by Medicare to pay for this care, including personal assets, life insurance policies, and property in their name until they are deemed indigent and unable to pay for their care. Medicare and one`s local social services will decide were the person is cared for and it may not be the facility the family had in mind. Seeing them in such a facility can be traumatic to a family, and, as you accurately called it , "warehoused there".

My now deceased mother-in-law had her father go from an assisted living to a nursing home after he suffered considerably from dementia. It was to the point where he did not recognize his own daughter and would sometimes cuss or even spit at her when she came to visit him. I asked her "Why do you even see him, then, and put yourself through that experience?" Her answer was, "He may not know who I am, but KNOW that person is still my dad." We should all be so fortunate to have someone in our family think of us and care about seeing us in that way late in life! She truly was the epitome of "Honor thy father and thy mother" and that this type of love was a life-long commitment and not just some commandment to be exercised in one`s youth growing up under their parent`s care.

[John U]

I’ve done 3 homes of family. Yes, sad, lot’s of memories but the work must be done. I’ve used Craigslist for large items. Estate Auctions and a dumpster in the 11th hour for closesure. Don’t be surprised how many youngsters do not want furniture etc.... it’s not the style they want. What a piece is worth means nothing if no one wants it. Do not turn your home into a museum with unwanted items....cut bait, donate it and move on.
Sorry for you loss!

[Accumulator]

Not really on-topic, but this thread is a reminder to have thoroughly thought-through, and legally solid, Directives in place. Regarding *ANYTHING and EVERYTHING* that could possibly happen, not just the usual Last Will stuff.

Make sure the Directives (or at least a certified-genuine copy) are in the hands of somebody who`ll follow `em and I wouldn`t trust anybody with, uhm... an emotional investment... with this.

[mc2hill]

I believe we may be going thru something like soon. My mother passed in June and my dad (88) is not sure he wants to continue maintain their large home and 1 acre yard. He is still grieving and his attitude towards it changes often, but he may at least look at downsizing. This is not the home I grew up in, so I don`t have an attachment to it, other than it being their home.
My brother and I have noted items we would like, and a desk that may have been used by H.G. Wells is going to my son (my dad`s aunt lived in London, and her friend ran a rooming house and this desk came from the room he rented).

Thank you all for your input!

[Accumulator]

mc2hill- Hey, that`s really cool about the desk! Yeah, my Dad was about that age when he finally started paying somebody to do his lawn/rain gutters/etc. Sorta a relief as seeing him up on a 2-story ladder was giving me pause..not that it worried *him*.

After he passed I was able to sell our family home to a friend of the family who`d always admired it. The absolutely wonderful way his wife had the place redone (it was still basically in "1920s but with a new electrical and HVAC" configuration, they *completely* gutted it like I`ve never seen done IRL) was perfect for all concerned; it became "their home" inside while still looking the same from the outside. Kinda weird how well that worked for me...people thought I`d hate it, but nope. "Your Father would..." No, he`d say "it`s theirs now, I couldn`t care less."

[BudgetPlan1]

Thanks to all for the advice and kind thoughts.

Got some great advice and contacts via PM for liquidation/sale scenarios as well as some things to look into Mom`s `Failure To Thrive` issues. Great stuff, really nice to hear other perspectives outside of my own little bubble.

Again, tremendous community here, exceptional people. We may not all always agree on products and methodologies but when the sh*t gets serious, the outpouring of support is unmatched.

We`re taking a bit of a break, flew down to Memphis today so wife could be an extra in the filming of Hallmark movie "Christmas at Graceland"...she loves that stuff and it`s kinda nice to get away for a day or two. One of her cousins is a RN with lengthy experience in elder care so she will be looking in on/visiting Mom this weekend so it truly is a couple of days without worry.

Thanks again to all, very much appreciated.

[Coleroad]

Thanks to all for the advice and kind thoughts.

Got some great advice and contacts via PM for liquidation/sale scenarios as well as some things to look into Mom`s `Failure To Thrive` issues. Great stuff, really nice to hear other perspectives outside of my own little bubble.

Again, tremendous community here, exceptional people. We may not all always agree on products and methodologies but when the sh*t gets serious, the outpouring of support is unmatched.

We`re taking a bit of a break, flew down to Memphis today so wife could be an extra in the filming of Hallmark movie "Christmas at Graceland"...she loves that stuff and it`s kinda nice to get away for a day or two. One of her cousins is a RN with lengthy experience in elder care so she will be looking in on/visiting Mom this weekend so it truly is a couple of days without worry.

Thanks again to all, very much appreciated.

my wife would be all excited over the movie too. Glad you can get away for a couple of days. Enjoy!

[JSFM35X]

When that time came we removed what we wanted. Got a company with a good reputation and met with them. Made a deal to sell everything. They get a guaranteed $ per day. And I also had them agree to provide dumpster and labor or clear out anything unsold as part of their $. This way after the sale was over all that was needed was clean up before sale of Home. I would suggest your not being there for the tag sale. Ours went 3 days. Friday thru Sunday.

[BudgetPlan1]

When that time came we removed what we wanted. Got a company with a good reputation and met with them. Made a deal to sell everything. They get a guaranteed $ per day. And I also had them agree to provide dumpster and labor or clear out anything unsold as part of their $. This way after the sale was over all that was needed was clean up before sale of Home. I would suggest your not being there for the tag sale. Ours went 3 days. Friday thru Sunday.

This sounds kinda like the direction we`ll pursue. It`s a matter of time and convenience as opposed to maximizing $$, within reason of course. Once items of personal/nostalgic value are removed, the structure and contents become mere detritus that we would prefer to be dealt with in an efficient and expedient manner.

[Accumulator]

.. I would suggest your not being there for the tag sale. Ours went 3 days..

That`s often recommended with auctions too, though I was there (no way was I gonna have three days of unsupervised strangers in that house while it was still mine).