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  1. #1
    Oneheadlite's Avatar
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    Tools of the Trade (Humor)

    Stumbled onto this digging through my toolbox, thought I`d share. Some are pretty old school, so you can guess how long I`ve had it. Geared towards mechanics/DIY`rs, but I`m someone can add some detailing ones as well!

    Hammer: Originally employed as a weapon of war, today the hammer is used as a kind of divining rod to locate tender body parts not far from the object you are trying to hit.

    Mechanics Knife (or - Box Cutter):
    Used to open cardboard boxes. It works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers. Used in haste, also targets flesh just beyond intended cutting path.

    Crescent Wrench:
    Used to round off bolt heads.

    Hacksaw:
    One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija Board principle. It transforms human energy into crooked, unpredictable motion. The more you attempt to influence it`s course, the more dismal your future becomes.

    Vise Grips:
    Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

    Oxyacetylene Torch:
    Used to remove rounded off bolts and free any stuck part.

    Drill Press:
    A tall, upright machine useful to suddenly snatch flat metal stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and throws your work across the room.

    Wire Wheel:
    Cleans rust off old bolts, then throws them under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints, warts, and calluses.

    Hydraulic Floor Jack:
    Used for lowering low-clearance vehicles to the ground, trapping the handle firmly under the nearest overhang.

    8` Long 2x4:
    Used to pry vehicle upward off a hydraulic jack.

    Tweezers:
    A tool used for removing wood splinters from 2x4`s.

    Telephone:
    Tool for calling around to find another hydraulic floor jack.

    E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor:
    A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

    Timing Light:
    A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.

    Two Ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist:
    A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

    1/2" x 16" Screwdriver:
    A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on one end.

    Aviation Metal Snips:
    See Hacksaw.

    Battery Electrolyte Tester:
    A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

    Trouble Light:
    Sometimes called a drop light. It`s main purpose is to consume 40 watt light bulbs. More often dark than light, it`s name is somewhat misleading.

    Phillips Screwdriver:
    Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt. It can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

    Air Compressor:
    A machine that takes energy produced in a power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a 1/2" impact gun that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Detroit, and rounds them off.

    Feel free to add to the list!

    John
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  2. #2
    Boden's Avatar
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    Re: Tools of the Trade (Humor)

    If I may add a few

    Cordless extension cord

    Left handed screwdriver (multiple types)

    Henway

    Right handed fraiming square

    Hole remover

    AC Battery

    Board stretcher

    Copper magnet

    Blinker fluid

    ----

    all used to mess with with the new guy/girl.
    Likes Oneheadlite, JRW67, Ronkh liked this post
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  3. #3
    Mary B's Avatar
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    Re: Tools of the Trade (Humor)

    Likes Oneheadlite liked this post
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  4. #4
    Detailing Gnosis Bunky's Avatar
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    Re: Tools of the Trade (Humor)

    The shop (drop) light is the most relevant to me. I ended up with an LED unit that is much more durable.

    Al
    The Need to Bead

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  5. #5

    Join Date
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    Re: Tools of the Trade (Humor)

    I keep looking for a 6x9" hole saw. They are always out of stock

  6. #6
    Wax Waster Ronkh's Avatar
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    Re: Tools of the Trade (Humor)

    Quote Originally Posted by pgp View Post
    I keep looking for a 6x9" hole saw. They are always out of stock
    I used to find them next to the Jensen 6x9 coaxial speakers.
    Formerly the "Best Detailer", now just Super Wax Waster Man. Not necessarily tactful, but normally right. It`s good to be da King !!!

 

 

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