BEWARE:Cat scratch fever on the ride!!!

ALSO BEWARE this post was removed quickley and without any warning or notification from the wonderful moderators at AUTOPIA (home of the free speech)

So the morning was going along really well. Enjoying my girlfriends company before having to take her to the airport this morning.
She asked if I could polish one of her rings before she left so I proceeded to the garage, more like an auto detail warehouse, to get some Klasse AIO, it seems to shine up her jewelry really nice.

I`m walking past my 911 admiring how shiny and pretty I keep it up when I notice something that looks like smudge marks on the top of the front right fender. From a distance it just looked like some minor handprints, no biggie. I grabbed the Klasse and proceeded to further examine the debris

I`m like what the **** this is not smudge marks but frigging fine scrathces, some more than fine, that look like something got drug across my car. These were not here on Sunday when I QD my car and the car has not left the garage since.
I was at work all day yesterday(Monday), she on the other hand was at the house all day doing yard work and refilling all the planters with new flowers. REACTION = PISSED

I proceed to move at the speed of sound into the house trying all the while to act very calmly. Women have a sense of knowing when your really pissed before you even know it yourself.

So I ask very calmly if she used the car yesterday. "No", very sweet and calmly she replies, almost sounded too nice I`m thinking. I wanted it to sound more guilty so I could have justification of going off like some crazed cleanaholic on speed.

No biggie if she drives the car, I kinda like it because I think other people get more enjoyment out of the fruits of our labor than us most of the time. Kinda like people cooking for you.

"So did you accidently frigging drag, bump, smash, rub, throw, fire, drop anything on the car "(okay I couldn`t take it anymore)
Don`t worry she knows my programming and takes it very well.
Again she replies in that sweet voice like a mother calming a child, "No baby, let`s go see what`s wrong with your car"

Damn rights where gonna go look at the car.

I`m ready to flipping explode and I get this beautiful, all dolled up, calming, female, talking to me like she`s singing me a lullaby making me feel more like the dope I am.

I have already convicted her, she is guilty, I know it, I just have to stay calm and find a way to extract the information from her without my face glowing like a red hot meteor exposing my anger.

"Here, see this, here, right here, how can you miss that, it goes from here to here and it looks to me like something got drug across this fender, this was not here yesterday", you get what I`m saying. More like tell me what you did to my car.
No matter how hot you look standing there pretending you don`t know what happened I`m not gonna let this thing go until I get the truth.

Then comes "THE CRUSHING BLOW", she begins to examine the scratches closely, probably better than I did (remember I already had a prime suspect, the princess herself), she then turns to me and says "honey, these are animal claw marks, a squirrel or cat must have jumped on this fender and with how polished and waxed you keep the car they couldn`t get enough traction and slid back off, see here you could see them clawing down the side of the fender trying to hang on, the poor little guy didn`t expect it to be so slippery"

So there Mr. Bozo stood in all his glory with nothing much to say.

"Mmh" I responded casually without showing too much emotion. I was ready to interrogate, get to the real truth, sentence her, and now this. Internally I`ve gone from animal lover to RAMBO!!

Feeling pretty stupid now I keep the pattern consistent.

So it all comes to me now like a bad dream, the garage door was left about a foot ajar last night for a few hours, we don`t have a cat I`m thinking, but the neighbors cats are always coming around, and there are also tons of squirrels in the neighborhood.

She now is watching me (all sexy like, why do women have this ability to be so beautiful without even trying), analyzing me, probably wondering what my next idiotic response is going to be, and then it comes, "that`s it I`m going to get a BB gun and any dam cat that comes in this frigging yard is going to get some buckshot"

I can only imagine what she thought, look at the poor sap, suffering in this detailing, clean freak, polish everything in the house nightmare. Then she says " honey I love that you care about things so much and that you look after them so well".
Just shoot me now I`m thinking for the moron I am.
Then again thank god this women still loves me!

Tell me something like this hasn`t happened to you.

So tonight I will pull out the Naptha cleaner, Menzerna IP, FP, Klasse, etc. and a frigging KEG of BEER and begin anger management.

I will keep you posted.