Help - Need your opinion

[ayimazte]

Thisgis my first posting, since my husband is a member of this board and we had a very heated discussion today regarding his interest, so I would like to get your opinion on this.



I think my husband is very anal about his car, my car... hmmm.. almost any car. I can understand if he wants to take care his car to the best way possible, but I can`t help but find it annoying when he expects adhere to these standards as well. Here are some examples:



1. He won`t let me lean on his car.

2. He doesn`t let me touch his car paint. I got specific details on how to close the trunk.

3. Also specific details on how to close the door, ie. by the window.

4. He spends excessive amount of time detailing our cars.

5. He has bought so much car treatment stuff that it`s underneath our sink, underneath our kitchen table, in the closets, basically taking up so much space in our tiny 1 bedroom apartment.

6. He bought so much wax that he had to give some away.

7. At almost every light stop, he comments wax or paint jobs on any cars stopped next to us.

8. He loves to perform wax test, car protective test.

9. He will also wax rental cars`s gas cap when given the opportunity to test out his wax.

He used to apply Rainex on our windshield and doesn`t like to use the blade, until I make comments about visibility.

10. He says I have low morals and that I disrespect car, just because I think it`s OK to floor a rental car when the engine is cold and actually did it.

11. Of course, it`s like helll freezes over, that one time I gave my car a lot of power right after starting it.

12. He lectured me for putting a magazine on his trunk.

13. His biggest motivation for buying a house is to have a garage for his car & car products.

14. He finds it hard to believe that a S-Class Mercedes will use the automatic car wash at the gas station.

15. And the list continues,



See I do respect his car, but I do think he anal and overly protective than others (general public). I try my best to accommodate him when it comes to his car / our car. But

- I don`t like being called immoral just because I floored a rental car,

- I would like a husband who puts family (kids) as a top prioity when buying a house, rather than a garage,

- The bottom line is I feel he pamper cars more than he pampers you.



So here is what I would like to ask you?

- Do you think my husband is too anal about cars?



Thanks a bunch.

[imported_perry]

Originally posted by ayimazte

- The bottom line is I feel he treats cars better than he treats me.



That may be a problem..




So here is what I would like to ask you?

- Do you think my husband is too anal about cars?



Thanks a bunch.



We prefer the term "Autopian" :)

[Stratous]

It sounds a little extreme. If it bothers you, you need to talk to him about it.

I am pretty bad to myself sometimes, I mean, sometimes I am down right pissed when my truck is dirty. But for me, I don`t have a girlfriend or kids, and when I am at home, my friends are at work, and when I am at work, my friends are at home. So detailing has become a pass-time hobby that I love.

But you need to let him know that he has a family, and a car is just...

just...

just...

metal.



Also, I would take away his credit cards.

[dcswd]

I agree with a lot of what he does (no one doing anything to your car), and the stuff with the rental car is good too. I wouldnt worry AS much about rental cars because if you treat them wonderfully, the next person is going to treat it twice as bad. I can see how it would still be a moral issue though.



So I would say that he is not overly anal... and detailing like crazy is a good thing, but if it is damaging other parts of your life, it definitely needs to be addressed.

[ayimazte]

Thanks for your all feedback.



I can now understand that there are people out there who are like my husband. I do know that this is an Autopian board, so the response may be skewed.



However I do wonder if you guys think these are anal behavior when compared to general public?

[SilverBelle04]

Originally posted by ayimazte

Thanks for your all feedback.



I can now understand that there are people out there who are like my husband. I do know that this is an Autopian board, so the response may be skewed.



However I do wonder if you guys think these are anal behavior when compared to general public?



Probably excessive compared to general public, but better obesessed with this than something more destructive. Having said that, you have to find the balance.



Bob

[RedondoV6]

Do I think your hubby is too anal about his cars .. NO



Do I think he needs to rethink his attitude to you and his family .. from what you write ..YES



The fact you are even posting here should concern him, you are obviously unhappy with him and that should be worthy of his attention.



Time to talk to him I think!

[imported_perry]

Compared to the general public, sure. We`re not the general public though. We`ve found that car care is rewarding in some way - increase the value of the car, gives us something to do to pass the time, make some money on the side, etc. It`s a hobby. I`m sure you have a hobby that us car nuts would find a little weird, no?



It`s better that he is out in the driveway waxing the cars than down at the bar drinking himself in to a stooper, right? I guess both take him away from the family for a few hours at a time, but at least detailing the cars isn`t self descructive.



If car care time is taking away from family time, maybe you two need to talk about that. Too much of any one thing is bad. You have to find a balance.



Maybe you guys need to set aside some detailing space inside the apartment and limit his collection to what will fit in that space. When you`re house shopping, I bet you are worried about different areas of the house than he is. Maybe the master bathroom or the kitchen. If you two work together then you`ll be able to find a house that makes you both happy!

[JustinR32]

Originally posted by ayimazte

1. He won`t let me lean on his car.



That`s not excessive. It can scratch it pretty badly



2. He doesn`t let me touch his car paint. I got specific details on how to close the trunk.



That`s excessive. the paint is meant to be touched. I`ve had people dent my hood by closing it wrong, though.



3. Also specific details on how to close the door, ie. by the window.



Excessive.



4. He spends excessive amount of time detailing our cars.



If it seems excessive to you, then there`s no balance. Refer to perry, RedondoV6.



5. He has bought so much car treatment stuff that it`s underneath our sink, underneath our kitchen table, in the closets, basically taking up so much space in our tiny 1 bedroom apartment.

6. He bought so much wax that he had to give some away.



This is only excessive if you are having problems making ends meet, or you`re not saving money. There is no reason to try different things other than curiosity. They all work well. If he feels COMPELLED to buy things, he has a problem.



7. At almost every light stop, he comments wax or paint jobs on any cars stopped next to us.



Not a problem in general, but in combination with the other symptoms might be indicative of an obsession. A minor issue at best.



8. He loves to perform wax test, car protective test.

9. He will also wax rental cars`s gas cap when given the opportunity to test out his wax.



Eh. No big deal.



He used to apply Rainex on our windshield and doesn`t like to use the blade, until I make comments about visibility.



Rainex should be used in conjunction with wipers, not instead of wipers. He`s being stupid.



10. He says I have low morals and that I disrespect car, just because I think it`s OK to floor a rental car when the engine is cold and actually did it.

11. Of course, it`s like helll freezes over, that one time I gave my car a lot of power right after starting it.



You should always respect property entrusted to you.



12. He lectured me for putting a magazine on his trunk.



It can definitely scratch it. There are other places to put magazines.



13. His biggest motivation for buying a house is to have a garage for his car & car products.



I dunno. That`s a biggie. There are lots of great reasons to buy a house, and having a garage is one of them.



14. He finds it hard to believe that a S-Class Mercedes will use the automatic car wash at the gas station.



That`s a bit out of proportion, believing that everyone else should think like you.





- The bottom line is I feel he pamper cars more than he pampers you.



Then there is a problem. My wife has no problem not putting magazines on my car. I have no problem with her closing the door by touching the paint (that`s what QD sprays are for, after all).



In the end, the last statement is the most important. Marriage is about making the compromises inside yourself that fit for your partner. If your husband did all those things that you say he does, but made you feel valued and loved in every other way, then it might be that you can make the compromises foir him... but because you are posting here, I`d guess that this is part of a larger issue, simply the most obvious manifestation of a pattern of "me, me, me".





Tom

[MongooseGA]

What`s your husband`s username? ;)



I read all of those, and I think I do/think that way about everything. There is a specific way to open my trunk. The spolier on my Lexus is the perfect place to grab and lift, but I`m scared of it falling off the trunk. Instead I just poke my fingers in the bottom of the trunk and lift up.



I get very mad when anyone puts anything on my car. Especially when it`s dirty.



The Rain-X thing is stupid.



As long as you have enough money for the necessities in life and have some left over, buying products you dont [i]need[i/] is normal here.

[Lowejackson]

Cars are great, shiny cars are even better, fast shiny cars are better still. But they are just cars.



I spend a fair amount of time trying to get my car to look great but I have a family and so the task is not easy. Asking someone to show respect for property is reasonable but there are limits.



Cars are not works of art, they are tools. People are more important than any car ever made.



On the other hand there are worse ways to spend time but as with everything else in life it is all a matter of balance

[Accumulator]

ayimazte - Heh heh, well, you sorta knew to expect some responses that would be skewed relative to the general public, huh ;)



I basically agree with Mosca`s response and the others you have received. Neither partner should be so wrapped up in "me me me"/"my way" that the other feels put upon.



Some of what you posted seems normal to me, some sounds off the deep end.



I educated my wife/friends/relatives/others about how to treat our vehicles. Strictly a matter of not damaging them IMO and I`m the same way about everything in my life. Just like a wife might have to explain how to do laundry or other domestic chores to a husband who`d never fended for himself. "Educate, don`t berate".



But none of this has ever been a *problem* with my wife and I accept that she`s not gonna be a clone of me when it comes to how she lives. We *do* have shared values but it can become a matter of degree.



Sorry to hear the whole thing has become an issue between you two. IMO at the bottom line, it`s just a car and there are plenty of things that are more important than cars (including the happiness of one`s spouse and the raising of one`s children).

[the other pc]

Just a couple thoughts;



Please do not post your husbandâ€â„¢s user name unless you two talk it over and he agrees itâ€â„¢s a good idea. (Iâ€â„¢m sure this âہ“goes without sayingâ€Â� but Iâ€â„¢m saying it anyway since the subject came up, even only in jest.)



I wonâ€â„¢t comment on the âہ“moralityâ€Â� of revving a cold engine hard but I can say unequivocally that it is extremely abusive.



Touching paint is one of the joys of this activity. Feeling your fingertips gliding over pristine paint is a remarkable tactile experience.



On the other hand a car that been driven even a few minutes, left outside for any length of time or in any way exposed to the real world will have a film of dirt and grit deposited on it. If you touch the paint now, especially with any appreciable force as when closing a door, trunk or hatch, you can grind that grit into the paint and cause irreversible damage. You can âہ“fixâ€Â� the damage and make it pristine again but only by abrading away the damaged area of the paint. This can only be done so many times. There is only a finite, very thin film of paint.



Yes he is definitely far more discerning than the âہ“general publicâ€Â�, he chose to marry you didnâ€â„¢t he? He just wants the best in everything.





PC.

[ayimazte]

Thank you so much for your support!!! Just want to let you know the issue has been resolved between my husband and I. After talking about this with him, I realized I over-reacted and it was like a cascading effect.



I explained to him that sometimes I feel envious that he spends so much time on his car and pays it so much attention. Sometimes woman just wants to be loved and pampered too, and we need attention too. My husband explained to me some of things he do / don`t do on his car and that he loves me very much... that made me feel that I am being tressured and I certainly feel a whole lotta better.



I won`t reveal his username, because I don`t even know what his username is. the fact is, yesterday was my first time coming here, but surely will come and check out more in the future.



I am so glad such a forum exists, so my hubby can meet / chat and learn from a crowd who share his hobby and are just as passionate about it as he is.



Just want to let you know (and my husband if he reads this) that I really appreciate all the detail jobs my husband did on my car, making me proud when my ordinary sedan easily outshine cars like BMW, Porshe, Corvette in my company parking lot.

[SilverBelle04]

Great ! Glad you worked it out !



Nothing like good old "communication" to help people resolve issues.



Bob



(BTW...imo.....posting his user name would have made this much too personal and introduce more info into this isssue than any of us need. - good job on not posting his name)