Seeking Parenting Advice for Vehicle

[Reddwarf]

I`m ranting here, but would like some thoughts on this.

Years ago I bought a used Nissan Frontier Pickup. It`s a 2000 with just under 75K miles. When my son started driving I turned it over to him. Now he is in college.

I paid for the truck, I pay for insurance, I often pay for gas, and all maintenance. All I ask is to take care, be responsible.

He has never cared about keeping it clean which is a pet peeve of mine. I understand he does not have covered parking and does not have the ability to detail it himself. But is a $5 car wash too much to ask?

Okay, so now for the real issue and question. He has a sinus infection so he drove home to go to the Doctor (school is an hour away). The truck wouldn`t start so he had to get it jumped. Since he is ill, I took the truck to Walmart to have the battery checked (that`s where I bought it). I realized the truck was 3 months overdue for an oil change. :wall So I got the oil changed and battery checked. Battery is good. No issues.

Then off to get gas and I had to get it washed because the surface felt like sandpaper. I couldn`t help myself. I wasn`t going to detail it myself but ran it through the tunnel. That`s when I spotted that the State Inspection is two months past due! :wall

Here is my question: Do I tell him to get that State Inspection or let it go and hope he gets a ticket from the police? I know the truck is safe so the inspection is just becuase its the law.

[Ronkh]

If it`s in your name, you`re gonna get fined (possibly) too for the expired reg. And the tow bill and the storage fee

[Reddwarf]

Good point. I may be cutting off my nose to spite my face.

I just looked it up. The fine is $137.

[Ronkh]

Good point. I may be cutting off my nose to spite my face.

I just looked it up. The fine is $137.

plus tow
plus storage
plus re-instatement fee

[GearHead_1]

I`m in the same situation but in the process of weening my son from the cookie jar. That said, I just spent $1400 on a transmission. He paid $800.

[joeyb7]

The fact that you paid for the car AND pay for insurance while he`s in college is already over the top. Having had a car in college (I did work study to pay for insurance) you have to understand that there`s no time or desire to clean your car. I`d so it in the summer when I was home, but other than that rain had to do its job.....your priorities while in college usually don`t include your car. If they do, you probably have too nice of a car for a college student. If the ticket doesn`t affect you then I`d let him learn his lesson.

[Nth Degree]

I don`t believe in giving a car to a child without certain restrictions. They will not appreciate the value of it unless they have to earn it. If they want a car, let them pay for it. Then it will hurt them a little more when something goes wrong because they failed to care for it. It is a tough lesson, but they will have to learn it sooner or later. If you want to help them out, match them dollar for dollar. They still have a vested interest in it and will be more likely to take good care of it.

It really comes down to the value something has to someone. We all have seen the overly rich people who have $200k cars and trash them, while someone who works hard to buy a new Honda takes care of it like it`s a show car. Same principle.

[ShaneB]

Just from personal experience, from what I noticed going through high school, make your kids buy their first car.

Between everyone I knew, those who were given cars, didn`t take care of them, trashed em inside and out. Didn`t have any sense of value at all when they were handed something like that

Those I knew, including myself, who bought their first car with their hard earned money, took care of them. My first car was a 15 or so yr old 1990 grand prix that i paid $1500 for from a friend. But id be damned if I didnt wash it every week. I didn`t care that it was 15+ years old... but it was MY 15+ yr old car.

[Reddwarf]

Venting here and Ronk`s comments helped. I sat him down and explained my frustration, disappointment, and expectations. He has now taken the truck to get inspected. Good thing I did not let him get the ticket. As it turned out there was a leak in the power transmission fluid.

I understand that many disagree and think the kid should be paying all/ more. I get that. However, I`m fortunate to be able to afford it and our feeling is his job is to be in school getting good grades. I expect/ demand high grades so I want him focused on that. Once he is out of college and gets a job there will be plenty of time to pay his own way. He can pay me back when he is helping with the old folks home bills!

[ihaveacamaro]

Some people just aren`t detailers, you can`t force them. If he doesn`t want to wash the car, then one day opticoat it, and then let him neglect it. If it`s neglected, well at least it`s opticoated.

However, the whole not doing the oil and state inspection thing has got to stop. I`m in college myself and always maintain my car perfectly, oil or otherwise. But then again, I am a detailer. I would tell him to maintain the car, as in functioning (doesn`t have to be clean), or lose it.

[Ronkh]

Having bought both my kids cars when they started driving I can understand.
For some reason they both started out that way and the they both started taking care of em.

But I remember tearing my hair out when I had to take care of em and all they did was sit on the couch.

[01GreyStangGT]

When I was in college, I couldn`t keep my vehicle detailed up to my standards except for when I had breaks. So, don`t be too crazy hard on him.

[BobbyG]

Venting here and Ronk`s comments helped. I sat him down and explained my frustration, disappointment, and expectations. He has now taken the truck to get inspected. Good thing I did not let him get the ticket. As it turned out there was a leak in the power transmission fluid.

I understand that many disagree and think the kid should be paying all/ more. I get that. However, I`m fortunate to be able to afford it and our feeling is his job is to be in school getting good grades. I expect/ demand high grades so I want him focused on that. Once he is out of college and gets a job there will be plenty of time to pay his own way. He can pay me back when he is helping with the old folks home bills!

My guess is your son was raised right and is probably no different than you and I were at his age. Having an adult I respected sit down with me and explain what was now my responsibility and why really opened my eyes.

Just dumping responsibilities on someone and letting them learn the hard way will work in some instances but they can come back and bite you.

This is the exact approach I took with my own two kids and since it worked with me I also used it with them and it`s worked...

[ShaneB]

I wouldn`t say I disagree with you at all for buying your kid a car. I think its great that you were able to provide it for him.

I guess I was a little misunderstood. Poor wording on my part, sorry. I was simply stating my observations from what I noticed when I was younger as to who took care of their cars and who didnt

[Shockwav86]

I am not a parent but if you would like a son`s point of view here it is. And this is in no way an attack about your decisions you have made. Everyone is entitled to their own means.

However, I am glad my parents made me pay my own way with everything. I appreciate everything I have more because I have earned it. I went to school for 4 years as well, and had my own car that I maintained and took care of. As well as insurance, and inspection, etc.

From my experiences, people don`t worry about things that isn`t theirs. Its like an enabling situation. I had many friends who were born with a silver spoon in their mouths and they had no regard for anything until it became their problem.