Can You Remember????

[Beemerboy]

I`m calling on the parents of this fine site for some help. My son is nine year old is a great kid, very happy and stress free for us for the most part. Where I have an issue for with him is remembering to do his chores which are few for the most part.



What he can remember is that I said he could rent a video game for days, that a special is coming on TV, that he can invite a friend over, how many pieces of Halloween candy he has left.



I have tried lists, money incentives, taking away bike, TV time, video games, grounding, etc. Just seems that no matter what I try it sticks for a few days then BANG....the cat all over me because he`s not fed him.



I`m wondering if he dosen`t care or how it is with all children about his age. I know that he can remember when its important to him..My personal feeling is that I am ragging on him weekly because they are not done when they are suppose to be. Which makes me feel crappy.


Any help or insights would be helpful from the parents here, even a funny story would be nice..Thanks

[norahcrv]

Only too well!!! :(

It`s called "selective memory" & I`m sad to say it does not improve with age! :(
We tried all those things with my son (who also had VERY few chores), but I think the thing that worked the best, was to find the thing that he valued most, and use that as the incentive. As Dr. Phil says - you CAN negotiate with your kids, you just have to find their "currency".
And the other key is consistency - every time he doesn`t hold up his end of the bargain, you have to withhold "payment". It`s not easy & you might not feel like you`re winning, but you will in the end.

BTW - one of Bryce`s chores was "pool maintenance" - now that he`s in college & working, he doesn`t have time, so HE has hired a "pool guy"!!

Good luck!!

PS - Nagging & ragging on him was the LEAST effective method! That`s when his "selective hearing" came into play! :(

[Beemerboy]

Thanks the selective hearing part is funny....I use that one on the wife!

I like the "currency" part will have to figure out what that is.

[norahcrv]

Thanks the selective hearing part is funny....I use that one on the wife!

I like the "currency" part will have to figure out what that is.

One word of caution - kids will change the currency frequently, so you have to stay on your toes, keep your ears open & not be fooled by "counterfeits"!!

[JeffW]

Yep, sounds like the same issues I`ve had. Typically it isn`t that they want to ignore your requests, or disrespect you, rather the youngsters need to develop habits, appreciate what you are asking them to do and learn to prioritize these things along with their other activities.

Fortunately we have had a lot of success with our 12 year old. We maintain lists of things to-do, and often will point to the lists and suggest or remind him to attack some of the to-do items. We never yell about it, instead I`ll say something like "Ty, how about while I`m out in the garage adding another coat of Natty`s Blue to your mothers car, you knock off {whatever item} on your to-do list?". Or, I`ll ask him to help me do something I need to do and then I`ll agree to help him do something on his list.

Kids just need to be encouraged to get their things done. Always encourage them, and then praise them for completing their tasks. Ask them if they need assistence when you have some free time. And be consistent. Don`t put the fear of god in them that if they forget to do their chores that they`ll get the belt.

The more you can help them remember to do their chores, the more likely they will find a way to do them without being harped on. Kids take after their parents, right? A major no-no is insisting they do their chores while you and honey-poh sit on the coach watching the tube swigging down some cold ones.

[Luster]

My wife and I have raised 4 boys, from 16 to 26 years old (now).

There`s only one cure for selective memory.....

KEEP AFTER THEM EVERY DAY !!!!!

I have 20 year old twins, who are in college, and should be fairly responsible.

HA !!! They are the biggest slobs on the planet.

So every day, (usually after dinner) I have to go down to the game room with them, and supervise the clean up... (pop cans, glasses, plates, chip bags, Taco Bell bags, etc., etc., etc. If I have them do it on their own, it`s not done right. (stuff kicked behind couches, etc.).....

When will it change????? WHEN THEY GET THEIR OWN PLACE !!!!
That`s the only answer.......


.

[Poorboy]

When will it change????? WHEN THEY GET THEIR OWN PLACE !!!!
That`s the only answer........

:no: only after they get married:yes: ....maybe:lol:

[Beemerboy]

Thanks All

I do encourage Matthew to get things done, its just that he`s more concerned with going outside to play than anything...that might have to be his currenys...true story...one evening while eating dinner I asked...did you feed the cat...reason is the cat was climbing the sliding window outside..he said no....OK get that done as soon as you finish dinner...OK....and feed him every night BEFORE we eat....next night the cat is doing the same thing...I ask the same question get the same answer...this time I say...if the cat is not fed before you sit down tomorrow night, I`ll send you to your room without any dinner.......he didn`t eat the next night....guess what the cat gets fed now before we eat and I don`t have to ask...LOL

[Brenton]

My kid is only 1, but I used to be a youth & children`s pastor for a decade, so take this fwiw. I don`t get or buy what Phil says most of the time, but the currency is good. Things like reading, talking to extended family, and even playing outside and exercise are things your kids need to do. But dessert, snacks other than broccoli, pop, non-100% fruit juices, any TV, computer time (outside of talking to fam/homework), playing inside--all of these are privilages. Strip it down to nothing: no toys in the bedroom, no TV, no computer, no special foods. Then build it back up little by little. As soon as he is doing it all reasonably, he`ll have it all back.
One thing I know, is that now is the time. When they are teens they can just walk out the door. Unfortunately, parents are usually tire then, and just hand them the keys.

[maximv1]

one word: VASECTOMY :eek:

[Beemerboy]

The saga goes on!

book fair at the school this week and he wants to get a few books....I love the fact that he wants to read more...Today I filled out the form and made out the check..gave it to him and said, give this to your teacher. I went into his bedroom to have a look out the window, it over looks like front of the house.....I see the form and check that I had stapled together laying on his bed....I have that on my desk and I`m going to wait and see if he owns up to forgetting it this morning...I can buy the books online so thats why I`m not sweating it...I swear that kids brains are in his shoes

[05SilverTRD]

I have had both of my kids in swimming from a very young age. Both of them. my daughete who is 9 and my son who is 6, compete now. They have to show a tremendous amount of dedication to compete in this sport. My daughter sets her alarm and gets up a 4:30AM to make morning practices twice a week. They make evening practices 5 times a week. This dedication has carried on to the rest of their lives. They both have chores that are always done and I find them having some great time management skills. They come home from school and get right to homework.

[travisdecpn]

It must be the cholrine, cause both my sister and myself are swimmers/water polo players and I`d like to think that we do what is asked of us without an issues or complaints. Seriously though I think it comes down to respect, we don`t have to be told to do it, we just understand that things need to be done. Parents have to lead by example from the beginning, I have had the opportunity to work with my dad for a long time and have a great deal of respect for the work he does. My mom teaches special ed classes and it takes a special breed of people to tackle such a difficult job. So when i see all that they do for us, the least i can do when I`m home from college is make my bed, do my laundry, feed the animals, clean-up after meals, and help with other various tasks around the yard. Sports and extra-curricular activities (FFA in my case) really help to develop a sense of responsibility and respect. I highly recommend getting them involved in maybe 4-H at that age, and eventually in FFA when they reach the high school ranks.

[Beemerboy]

Travis

Thanks from the younger posters...I was on both 4-H and FFA great clubs and they taught me allot. Those are solid suggestions