problems with in-laws!

[webstrive]

hi, sorry to dump my problems here ... but i`m really out of ideas on how to handle this



long story short, my in-laws want to take care of my (baby) son a few days a week ... but our home is just fine. i think its kind of silly because its our responsibility, but they just won`t back off and they are kind of offended. there house is really busy and not the cleanest, i just don`t like the environment for my son



i`m afraid this is really going to strain relationships, what do do?

[imported_KevinA]

I`ll bet it`s the first grandchild. They want to bond with him and love him, that`s great - grandparents and grandchildren get along great (they have the same enemies ;)).



Have you offered for them to watch him at your house? If you have and they don`t want to watch him there, you`ll have to get backing from your wife and put your foot down. It`s a deal or no deal situation - it will be tough, but they should respect your and your wife`s wishes. They should get over it, they`ll want to see him all of the time.



I haven`t had to go through this though, I`m sure others here will chime in.



Good luck, I think you`re going to need it.

[Accumulator]

Yeah, your wife oughta have some insights into how to deal with them. But if *anything* gives you pause (their home environment, their behavior, *anything*) then be firm. It`s your son we`re talking about here and they have no right to be [jerks] about it.



The relationships that really matter here are the ones between you and your wife and your son. The in-laws aren`t even close to being important compared to your family unit, which is the three of you.

[webstrive]

Thanks KevinA, Accumulator



KevinA ... yep its the first grandchild for both families! :)



I think thats sound advice from both of you ... they`re certainly welcome to come by and visit, and anytime I visit them he`s almost certain to come along anyway.



my wife isn`t quite on my side about this .. that makes it more difficult, i don`t think she`s really using her sense on this one. i find it disruptive for him to be shuffled around ..



i think she`ll be fine, just have to put my foot down tactfully

[Accumulator]

Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on this. You might suggest to your wife that it`s sure better to err on the side of caution when it comes to a young child. I`m a firm believer in better-safe-than-sorry about stuff like this.



Best of luck, your wife is facing one of those things that`s gonna come up from time to time and she needs to get her head right about it lest it be an ongoing issue (both for you as a couple and for her personally). The child`s welfare comes first- you know it, she knows it.

[WSUcommuter]

Maybe you can compromise and have them take care of him for one day a week instead of several. This could give you and your wife some time alone together and also appease the in-laws and the wife at the same time. This is sort of a middle-of-the-road approach, not sure if the situation would be appropriate for this or not?

[imported_themightytimmah]

I know my dad went through the same situation, my grandparents wanted to take me a few days a week but my father felt it was his responsibility. He ended up giving in, and I`d say now that my grandpa is my closest family member, even more so than my parents. I`d give them a chance, your son might get a chance to be really close to his grandparents like I was, but if they start to creep you out/something seems wrong, pull him out.

[Mr. Clean]

I`m a bit unclear as to the age of your son, and who is keeping him currently.



Also a bit unclear about your statement regarding their (in-law`s) home
is really busy and not the cleanest. What is the nature of your concern?



What is your relationship with your in-laws?



How would you look upon this request if it were your parents?



You should remember that your wife has an opinion which carries the same amount of weight as yours in this matter. Be very careful about putting your foot down.



A couple of observations...



Kids aren`t generally exactly fragile.

With a few exceptions they can and should play and get dirty.

They should have the opportunity to interact with others outside your family unit.

Based on my own personal experience the Grandparent/Grandchild relationship is a very special one that should begin at a very early age.

I would be disappointed if new grandparents weren`t anxious to spend as much time with their grandchild as possible.

[94BlkStang]

I`m a bit unclear as to the age of your son, and who is keeping him currently.



Also a bit unclear about your statement regarding their (in-law`s) home . What is the nature of your concern?



What is your relationship with your in-laws?



How would you look upon this request if it were your parents?



You should remember that your wife has an opinion which carries the same amount of weight as yours in this matter. Be very careful about putting your foot down.



A couple of observations...



Kids aren`t generally exactly fragile.

With a few exceptions they can and should play and get dirty.

They should have the opportunity to interact with others outside your family unit.

Based on my own personal experience the Grandparent/Grandchild relationship is a very special one that should begin at a very early age.

I would be disappointed if new grandparents weren`t anxious to spend as much time with their grandchild as possible.



Excellent points and couldn`t have said it any better (or as good for that matter). As a grandparent with a now 8 year old and a 1 year old, it`s been some of the best times when our grandkids come over and spend time. My grandson growing up use to beg us to let him live here.

[Autoeng]

I agree with the three post directly above. Unless the Grandparents are smokers your child will be well cared for, will develop a relationship that cannot be bought for any amount and you will have a better relationship with them as well.



My guess is the child is less than six months old and you are hesitant about letting anyone take care of him. If you and your wife leave him with someone you cut you time out shorter than normal to get back to him. Your concerns for his well being will ease over time and his increasing development.

[paul79uf]

I don`t have any insight into this....but I might be facing these kind of issue in a few years and it`s good to hear all the opinions.



*bump*

[velobard]

Also keep in mind that your wife might welcome the help from her parents so she can get a break. Being a new mother is an exhausting 24/7 job!!!