When you treat a woman right....

[jordanrossbell]

Things like always paying for everything, even after a long time..which i was raised to always do no matter what...being supportive in times of her need..doing nice things for her just because (detailing her car, sending her flowers, surprising her with the little things)..all of these constitute treating a woman right, along with the obvious things like love, respect, and integrity...

The path i am going with this is, i feel my girl doesnt reciprocate those things back to me in any shape or form..dont get me wrong, she loves me i know but sometimes the other 2 arent really there, so it is hard to feel like she *truly* loves me...

What would/do you do when you cant help but feel like this? Anyone have experience with this....

Comments like "when are you going to do my car again?" "Where are you taking me to eat." "How much are you going to spend on me for Christmas?"

The situation that set this off was the following (sorry in advance for the long-winded post)

I recently went back home to dalhart, TX for Christmas with my parents. My girl lives in Hobbs, NM while i reside in Albuquerque, NM..a long distance thing..been together for 3 years...and my roommates stayed here while i was gone for christmas and kinda made a mess of our house..well the day i returned to albuquerque, my girlfriends uncle was in the hospital with leukemia pretty much on his death bed, i got into town and headed up to the hospital to see him one last time (only met him a couple of times) and stayed and lended support for her entire family for about 6 hours. I then asked them if i could buy them dinner in the subway downstairs in the cafeteria..i mentioned that my roommates were now gone to visit their families and that i had extra rooms if they would like to crash at my place so they wouldnt have to pay for a hotel..her 2 sisters, brother, and cousin took me up on it and when i got home, the house was pretty dirty, not too bad..but she wouldnt shut up about how dirty she thought it was..i wasnt even there give me a break. I said then fine go get a hotel room if you arent satisfied..of course she declined and proceeded to be mad that i even said that...the moral of my story is that i dont think she appreciates anything i do for/with her anymore..she was more concerned with what i was going to get for her to eat in the morning...any advice on what i should do to stop feeling this way..do i cut her loose or just stop doting on her?

[jordanrossbell]

After reading this i kinda come off a little different than i intended too..my problem is that she is lazy when it comes to being there for me...i ask her to do a couple of simple things for me while i study for my mcat and she just blatantly does not do them..and says she got busy...or my biggest peeve is not ever even saying thank you for anything..kinda seems that she takes me for granted and is not willing to do literally anything for ME...kinda sounds selfish when reading it but literally i feel that she just doesnt want to take time to do something that isnt for her...

[tdekany]

Originally Posted by jordanrossbell

Things like always paying for everything, even after a long time..which i was raised to always do no matter what...being supportive in times of her need..doing nice things for her just because (detailing her car, sending her flowers, surprising her with the little things)..all of these constitute treating a woman right, along with the obvious things like love, respect, and integrity...

The path i am going with this is, i feel my girl doesnt reciprocate those things back to me in any shape or form..dont get me wrong, she loves me i know but sometimes the other 2 arent really there, so it is hard to feel like she *truly* loves me...

What would/do you do when you cant help but feel like this? Anyone have experience with this....

Comments like "when are you going to do my car again?" "Where are you taking me to eat." "How much are you going to spend on me for Christmas?"

The situation that set this off was the following (sorry in advance for the long-winded post)

I recently went back home to dalhart, TX for Christmas with my parents. My girl lives in Hobbs, NM while i reside in Albuquerque, NM..a long distance thing..been together for 3 years...and my roommates stayed here while i was gone for christmas and kinda made a mess of our house..well the day i returned to albuquerque, my girlfriends uncle was in the hospital with leukemia pretty much on his death bed, i got into town and headed up to the hospital to see him one last time (only met him a couple of times) and stayed and lended support for her entire family for about 6 hours. I then asked them if i could buy them dinner in the subway downstairs in the cafeteria..i mentioned that my roommates were now gone to visit their families and that i had extra rooms if they would like to crash at my place so they wouldnt have to pay for a hotel..her 2 sisters, brother, and cousin took me up on it and when i got home, the house was pretty dirty, not too bad..but she wouldnt shut up about how dirty she thought it was..i wasnt even there give me a break. I said then fine go get a hotel room if you arent satisfied..of course she declined and proceeded to be mad that i even said that...the moral of my story is that i dont think she appreciates anything i do for/with her anymore..she was more concerned with what i was going to get for her to eat in the morning...any advice on what i should do to stop feeling this way..do i cut her loose or just stop doting on her?

Cut her loose.

The issue is not with her as we have the right to be who we want to be.

The question you should ask yourself: is this all am I worth?

There is nothing wrong with finding a partner who respects you equally.

These are of course only my opinions.

Good luck working it out, I know how you must feel.

[JpiRally]

Jordan....My advice is this.

There are three types of people in the world when it comes to showing their feelings for someone. there are the talkers..the people who have to tell you they love you and you have to tell them you love them. The doers...people who show love by performing acts of caring, detailing cars and so on. Then there are the buyers...they have to buy gifts to show love. if you feel you have been doing things for her and she doesnt return the favor I would talk to her. Dont ask her WHY she doesnt, but tell her how you are feeling. If she does do some things bring them up and show you appreciate them, but the other things are lacking. the hard part of this conversation is to not make it demanding but show her you care for her and the relationship, you just dont like the path it has taken.

now on to your feelings as a whole...YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO FEEL THE WAY YOU DO! They are your feelings...you dont have to justify them or try and hide them..they are what they are. i would ask yourself a few questions as it seems with the move you are at a turning point of the relationship...

As humans we deserve nothing...it all comes down to what we want.
Are her desires for intimacy what you want?
Are her reactions to gifts what you want?
Is the way she handles situations how you like it?

Look at her not as the person you have been dating for 3 years but as DNA. Things imprinted in her DNA will not change...looks and likes will...but manners, humor, decision making, and morals and things like that wont. Does she have the qualities you desire? If not its time to make a break for it...if so...stick through it, but it starts with communication.

Joe