So I've got a bit of a situation with the g/f

ENVYMYZ · 10-03-08, 05:34

and you guys seem like an astute bunch so I thought I would run this by you and get a few opinions.

So my girl and I will have been dating a year in November. My cousin is getting married in about a week and I was invited to his bachelor party this Saturday. My gf and I have a very open and honest relationship so I had absolutely no qualms about telling her that I was going to this bachelor party.

Well imagine my surprise when she said she was not going to be cool with that, and if she ever got married and the groom had strippers at his bachelor party she would "call the wedding off. No joke."

Now I am not into strip clubs or anything like that (I prefer the real deal, than watching some skank shake her thing to a Bob Marley song) and my gf knows that. Nor am I the type to cheat or anything like that.

I told her, this is my cousin, we're pretty close, and I have to go. Not that I "want" to, more like I don't have much of a choice. What do you guys make of her reaction? I've been given the cold shoulder since yesterday and last night she texted me that I don't respect her or have any regard for her feelings.

What gives??!

dublifecrisis · 10-03-08, 06:08

insecurity is what it is. I can see if a girl isn't cool with frequently going to strip clubs for one-like you said, it's skanky, 2-it's throwing away $$.

BUT-dude-If you can't join a family member on his bach. party and then further, learn that your OWN bach party is going to be governed then either accept that this aint the girl for you OR accept her position. been there myself.

Picus · 10-03-08, 07:04

She wants to come. No, seriously, she feels left out. It's an insecurity thing. Unfortunately for you aside from assuring her you'll "be good" there isn't much you can do. Maybe offer to call her half way through the night to "check in".

Honestly I doubt there is any point trying to talk her into it. You could tell her she is being hypocritical because her offering an ultimatum definitely shows a lack of respect for your feelings; you want to be involved in your cousins good time. You could point out that you've been faithful and given her no reason to believe you would do anything untoward...but it won't matter, she will be pissed regardless. Go and have fun, and if she doesn't get over it she isn't worth it. I'm being serious, **** like this will haunt you later. It's a warning sign.

So ya, either way I'd definitely go to my cousin's bachelor party.

kaval · 10-03-08, 07:18

^Took the words right out of my...keyboard :P

jfelbab · 10-03-08, 07:25

Tell her you're sorry she feels that way but that you are obligated to attend. It's family after all, and sometimes in life we have to attend family things. Tell her that you hope she can come to understand this obligation.

How is it that you know strippers will be there? Not all (not many actually) bachelor parties I've attended had strippers.

ENVYMYZ · 10-03-08, 07:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by jfelbab

Tell her you're sorry she feels that way but that you are obligated to attend. It's family after all, and sometimes in life we have to attend family things. Tell her that you hope she can come to understand this obligation.

How is it that you know strippers will be there? Not all (not many actually) bachelor parties I've attended had strippers.

The friend inviting me told me so lol.

Flashtime · 10-03-08, 08:16

She's your GF, so you should know whether it has more to do with her
insecurities or her morality. Maybe her morality is strong (which is good).
If so, then she should be respected (tell her so). However, she needs
to be able to trust YOU no matter where you go.

5IVE · 10-03-08, 08:34

1. Does she have any friends who are married? If so, somehow get them to calm her fears. This way they can let her know firsthand that there's not much to worry about and that she needs to learn to trust you. Their experience will ease her fears.

2. ASSURE her that she really has nothing to worry about and text her when you're out with the boys...this way she knows you're thinking of her. In reality, no one wants anything to do with a group of rowdy drunk guys.

3. There will be many bachelor (and bachelorette) parties for both of you to attend as your friends get married. Fair is fair...no parties for you means no parties for her. Are you guys gonna be THAT couple who's always handcuffed to each other?? Get over it and enjoy your lives with your friends!!

jordanrossbell · 10-03-08, 09:19

It is actually nice for me to see that others are struggling with the same problems i am, not to take joy in your time of frustration but i can offer this advice from a 23 yr old POV...

Once a girl figures she can cold shoulder and guilt you into doing/not doing what you want or need to do, the problem wont end there my friend...pretty soon it will be that you cant go out to a bar with your friends, or even detail!! Insecure people belong with insecure people, that way their obsessions can cancel out, but if one is insecure and the other isnt, it will just turn into a game of hurt feelings and fighting...i would never disrespect any woman on purpose, and certainly a fellow detailers woman, but something has to give here...the reason you want to be honest with everyone in your life is : 1) Its the right thing to do and 2) You want to be able to be trusted in the future...there are people that when they tell me something, i have no doubts it is true..and one of those is my girlfriend after 3 years...and it is a slippery slope sir when trust is compromised, and it sounds like she wont trust you after this because you have in here eyes, "disrespected her wishes." Just be careful because this can become a trend...but above all else be true to your family and go, and if she breaks your heart, you know that this wasnt the one that the man upstairs picked for you, but if she is cool with you after this, then you have crossed a barrier..and it will be a blessing either way...

DaGonz · 10-03-08, 03:48

I see it as she doesn't trust you. If your relationship is as "honest and open" as you state, then there's no reason for her to object to you going.

I would worry more about her going to a "Bachelorette party". I did some detailing for a limo service 12 years ago and seen more than one "list" of things the girls wanted to accomplish...

Monte78Carlo2k1 · 10-03-08, 04:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by jordanrossbell

It is actually nice for me to see that others are struggling with the same problems i am, not to take joy in your time of frustration but i can offer this advice from a 23 yr old POV...

Once a girl figures she can cold shoulder and guilt you into doing/not doing what you want or need to do, the problem wont end there my friend...pretty soon it will be that you cant go out to a bar with your friends, or even detail!! Insecure people belong with insecure people, that way their obsessions can cancel out, but if one is insecure and the other isnt, it will just turn into a game of hurt feelings and fighting...i would never disrespect any woman on purpose, and certainly a fellow detailers woman, but something has to give here...the reason you want to be honest with everyone in your life is : 1) Its the right thing to do and 2) You want to be able to be trusted in the future...there are people that when they tell me something, i have no doubts it is true..and one of those is my girlfriend after 3 years...and it is a slippery slope sir when trust is compromised, and it sounds like she wont trust you after this because you have in here eyes, "disrespected her wishes." Just be careful because this can become a trend...but above all else be true to your family and go, and if she breaks your heart, you know that this wasnt the one that the man upstairs picked for you, but if she is cool with you after this, then you have crossed a barrier..and it will be a blessing either way...

This man speaks the truth! I went through the same thing in my relationship. She was very controlling and tried to keep me from hanging out with a few of my friends which weren't/aren't bad guys by any means. Then once I about to turn 21 she started talking about how she doesn't support people who have beer in there house and go out drinking...but yet the year and a half that we dated she would go out with her friends and dance and drink.

Good luck and

sneek · 10-03-08, 05:35

ouch... Trust is a big thing for me.

To be honest, you kind of have to ask yourself how insecure she is.... not to be a ***** or anything!

I have had a few girls TAKE ME to the strip club! Seriously I haven't found a good looking stripper. I got kicked out a local strip club because I literally fell asleep in the front row. I was really tired from work, and fell asleep! I felt pretty bad about the whole thing, but to be honest I wasn't in the mood to be there, I just wanted to sleep. But back to the issue, seeing other women dancing around shouldn't make your girl jealous IMO. This is a sign! Although you don't want her to tell her firends you broke it off with her because you wanted to see strippers that bad LOL.