So I've got a bit of a situation with the g/f - Page 2

Clean Dean · 10-03-08, 06:00

My 2 cents...

Tell her your going and that she should trust your judgement of whats appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Your not going there to pick-up a stripper, just to celebrate your cousins walk off the plank. I've been married over 10 years and have attended quite a few bachelor parties with my wife knowing its at a strip club. I am sure your cousins fiance is aware of the situation. If your gf is setting rules after only a year of dating, it may be a bad sign of things to come in the future.

I'm no Dr. Phil, but that my 2 cents.

PS. No lap dances !!!

SHICKS · 10-03-08, 06:18

It's insecurity, jealousy, morals and a bunch of things.

Don't fight about it, just take your stance and stand by it. You have only been together for a year, it does not get easier than this. Meaning there are bigger things in life than you going to a strip bar to celebrate. Have a few beers don't get a lap dance and show your cousin a good time.

She'll learn your trust and dedication and this might be a hard lesson for the both of you, but It will work if you want it to.

pampos · 10-03-08, 08:21

Ask her what she would do if her best friend had a hen night and she was invited there..Will she go ??
Most women cannot understand how men feel about some things and how importand are for them..
NEVER 'trade' a close to you person (friend, cousin, etc) with a woman no matter how much you love her...If she feel the same she will understand...
Most of married people that i know 'lost' their friends because of their wives...
Ask to her to think a little bit more and i am sure that you will find a solution...
Good luck mate because you will need it...

Accumulator · 10-04-08, 12:03

I ran this one past Accumulatorette, and (predictably, I suppose) her response was exactly what I woulda said:

If you want to go, go (to gf: ultimatums have no place in a relationship, period).

If you don't want to go, don't go (to cousin: there's no any "obligation" to attend a bachelor party, especially if the uhm, entertainment might be an issue for somebody).

Actually, my wife added that she sees this as an early warning that your gf might plan on telling you what to do for the rest of your life, something to think about now as opposed to later.

Imatk · 10-06-08, 12:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by Accumulator

I ran this one past Accumulatorette, and (predictably, I suppose) her response was exactly what I woulda said:

If you want to go, go (to gf: ultimatums have no place in a relationship, period).

If you don't want to go, don't go (to cousin: there's no any "obligation" to attend a bachelor party, especially if the uhm, entertainment might be an issue for somebody).

Actually, my wife added that she sees this as an early warning that your gf might plan on telling you what to do for the rest of your life, something to think about now as opposed to later.

I completely agree.

If you want to go then you should go. But if you don't then don't go. That's what it comes down to.

Been married 12 years and my wife was cool with it on MY bachelor party and on others. Because she trusts me.

Your girl doesn't trust you then that's her issue. Unless of course you've gone out and banged some strippers... then you have to wonder if you really should be with your gf in the first place heh.

Just curious, how old are you? I'd wait until my later twenties before I even had a girlfriend personally

JuneBug · 10-06-08, 05:26

There's been a lot of great advice given. I have to chime in and say - just go, don't make a big deal about it and see how she acts later. If you have about a week of moody, whiny, you licked the red off my candy type behavior from her. Then, let her know that if the relationship is going forward, then she needs to give up the victim act. You have to be the man, real women respect that. Otherwise, she'll have you by the short hairs the rest of your time with her. Hey, I got married (1st time at 23) and I swear - I did all the crap she wanted to do untill I couldn't handle it anymore. Then after we split, I found a great girl that loved and respected me and more than that - trusted me!

Accumulator · 10-07-08, 09:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Imatk

..Just curious, how old are you? I'd wait until my later twenties before I even had a girlfriend personally

IMO not too many people want to wait until they're in a position to get things right. I waited until I was 29 to get married and pretty much everyone I know who got married earlier ended up getting divorced. Yeah, there are some exceptions, but not many among the people I know. More likely for people I know to be married/divorced multiple times.

So many people get married before they're ready....they never even *think* of the important stuff, let alone discuss it to make sure things are gonna work out.

kaval · 10-13-08, 08:08

So what happened with this?

DavidB · 10-13-08, 10:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaval

So what happened with this?

Yes, do tell. Inquiring minds want to know!

lbcsublime9 · 10-19-08, 04:25

tell her you trust her and she should trust you, if you really had any intentions on anything you wouldnt have told her in the first place, but u did tell her so thats a sign your truthful and faithful. dont let someone keep you from having a good time.

OutlawTitan · 10-21-08, 11:34

My $0.02
Neither your cousin or your girlfriend should be able to tell you where to go or not go. Be your own man, make up your own mind, and then accept any consequences of your actions.

lecchilo · 10-21-08, 11:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Picus

She wants to come. No, seriously, she feels left out. It's an insecurity thing. Unfortunately for you aside from assuring her you'll "be good" there isn't much you can do. Maybe offer to call her half way through the night to "check in".

Honestly I doubt there is any point trying to talk her into it. You could tell her she is being hypocritical because her offering an ultimatum definitely shows a lack of respect for your feelings; you want to be involved in your cousins good time. You could point out that you've been faithful and given her no reason to believe you would do anything untoward...but it won't matter, she will be pissed regardless. Go and have fun, and if she doesn't get over it she isn't worth it. I'm being serious, **** like this will haunt you later. It's a warning sign.

So ya, either way I'd definitely go to my cousin's bachelor party.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Accumulator

I ran this one past Accumulatorette, and (predictably, I suppose) her response was exactly what I woulda said:

If you want to go, go (to gf: ultimatums have no place in a relationship, period).

If you don't want to go, don't go (to cousin: there's no any "obligation" to attend a bachelor party, especially if the uhm, entertainment might be an issue for somebody).

Actually, my wife added that she sees this as an early warning that your gf might plan on telling you what to do for the rest of your life, something to think about now as opposed to later.

^^+1... In short, jealousy has no place in love and relationships... it's either trust or no trust... whether you're piss drunk or sober, if you're going to do anything with another woman, you're going to do it... everyone's different and everyone's relationship is different, but from the sounds of it, she's being out of place and insecure... simply tell her, in a nice way, that you're going to go and have fun with your cousin, and not another woman or what not and tell her to deal with it

Quote:

Originally Posted by DavidB

Yes, do tell. Inquiring minds want to know!

She kicked him out and he's living in the backroom at the strip club