Thanks for the replys! I know we are anal, but it is surreal to be talking to body shop fellow and detailers and feel that we're anal!
When I had no recommendations from here as of yesterday afternoon, I called a local high end used car shop that carries beautiful BMWs, Mercedes and Volvos. Their cars always look great. So I talked to the owner, who has given me good advice in the past. The detailer he uses turns out to be the same guys the body shop recommended. I was surprised, but went with it.
I'll let you know how it turns out. I'm hoping that the "all buffing produces swirls" comment was because they were afraid they might be getting a "problem" customer who would be dissatisfied no matter what. When I left it off this morning, the detailer said, "We'll baby it and do it right, don't worry." Fingers crossed.
Jason, I saw Paul's home page when I did an Internet search for detailers in our area! I would have used him if I'd had your recommendation earlier. I'll keep his contact info on hand for this winter (if I get lazy and it's cold).

Where in our state are you? My mom lives between Asheville and Weaverville.
Thanks y'all for the help and encouragement.