My Friend Needs Some Cheering Up

Setec Astronomy · 11-20-08, 07:52

Hey guys, my friend Jr. (JRDetailerwoman) is getting a ration of crap from her kids about some unresolved monetary issues from her divorce which was finalized 5 years ago. They're giving her the cold shoulder and saying nasty things to her because she is trying to get her ex to comply with the division of assets he agreed to in 2003.

I've told her she'll just have to give this time, and that her kids will come around eventually (they live with her ex and are 25 & 27), but she's pretty depressed right now.

Help me with some words of encouragement cuz my shoulder is getting too wet!

jordanrossbell · 11-20-08, 09:34

Well kids in these kinds of situations can get brainwashed by one of the members of the divorce..i have seen this happen a lot...and with comes divorce, comes the division of monetary assets..its a natural thing and i think your friend is doing the right thing by asking that....also, and i mean no offense by this but her kids are too old to be living with dad and i think that kind of shows some immaturity there, which is why they are giving her the cold shoulder. Tell her to keep her head up and move forward and that they will eventually come around...sad to hear about her situation, i feel for her and dont even know her....but honestly, things will work out..and they WILL come around

integritydetail · 11-20-08, 09:55

I read wisdom quotes when I'm down over my identity or choices I've made.

Barbara De Angelis:

Living with integrity means:

* Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships.
* Asking for what you want and need from others.
* Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension.
* Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.
* Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.

Gay Hendricks:

Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments; they've had the same argument hundreds of times.

David Brinkley:

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.

John Wooden:

You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (probably erroneously):

Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.

William Ellery Channing:

Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.

Setec Astronomy · 11-20-08, 10:19

Thanks guys, Jr. probably won't get to read this until tomorrow afternoon, but I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jordanrossbell

Well kids in these kinds of situations can get brainwashed by one of the members of the divorce...her kids are too old to be living with dad and i think that kind of shows some immaturity there...

Yes, brainwashed and immature for sure, unfortunately way back when her ex beat her up and got her to drop the charges, then was going to do it again so she slapped him, and he got her hauled off on abuse and got her kicked out so the kids have been living with him for a long time since he got to stay in the house with them for years while he dragged out the divorce.

jordanrossbell · 11-20-08, 10:56

Oh my god then i would take his *** to the cleaners....tell her to get every penny she can...and ya know man, one thing i have learned, you always want to surround yourself with people that love you..and sadly enough if her kids are doing that to her then she doesnt need to be around them..they sound ungrateful is what they sound like among other things..but please dont think im bashing your kids, i definitely dont want to do that but in these situations you have to understand who is in the wrong..and that doesnt appear to be you, but of course i dont know the whole situation. I feel for you and hope everything works out for the best..but dont settle and dont let him use the kids to bully you out of anything..sounds like that isnt below him to do...hang in!

nrengle · 11-20-08, 10:57

Believe me this stuff happens even to people that are older. My grandparents got a divorce in 1998 after 43 years of marriage (yes 43 years). My mother and my uncle haven't spoken maybe 100 words to each other in that time frame since. When my grandmother died 2 years ago he came to the funeral as did my grandfather. Mom said thanks, and that's it. Granted they tried to start stuff with her, but come on put the money issues aside for this!

I'm guilty of not speaking to either of them since either, but it's more a time issue, and distance. I live about 65 miles away and work on the road takes me away for months at a time. Also every time I have stopped my uncle has tried to start something with me. A long time ago he tried to start a physical fight with me because of this stuff. So it goes to show even kids that are in their late 40's to 50's (time span this has gone on), still can be very immature!

JRdetailerwoman · 11-21-08, 11:58

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your support and encouraging words!! You have made me feel better!!

Eliot Ness · 11-21-08, 12:14

Hang in there JR! Your kids are behaving this way because they've been brainwashed by your ex. I'm sure he is counting on them to discourage ever giving you the settlement that is due you but they will eventually see the light. I say to stay on course and get the settlement you were awarded 5 years ago, he's a big boy and has had plenty of time to plan for this.

Now go put some wax on that pink Mustang before winter sets in

JRdetailerwoman · 11-21-08, 12:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliot Ness

Hang in there JR! Your kids are behaving this way because they've been brainwashed by your ex. I'm sure he is counting on them to discourage ever giving you the settlement that is due you but they will eventually see the light. I say to stay on course and get the settlement you were awarded 5 years ago, he's a big boy and has had plenty of time to plan for this.

Now go put some wax on that pink Mustang before winter sets in

LOL! Thank you for the sound advice. AND-I will get right on that wax job for my pink Mustang!!

DaGonz · 11-21-08, 03:22

Quote:

Hey guys, my friend Jr. (JRDetailerwoman) is getting a ration of crap from her kids about some unresolved monetary issues from her divorce which was finalized 5 years ago. They're giving her the cold shoulder and saying nasty things to her because she is trying to get her ex to comply with the division of assets he agreed to in 2003.

I've told her she'll just have to give this time, and that her kids will come around eventually (they live with her ex and are 25 & 27), but she's pretty depressed right now.

Help me with some words of encouragement cuz my shoulder is getting too wet!

25 and 27 and still living at home? They should be out on their own or damn close to it!

Five years is far too long...if he hasn't made his settlement monetary obligations.. take him to court to get it... with interest!

Accumulator · 11-22-08, 09:59

I don't care about the kids' living arrangements (generations of people in my family "lived at home" until they could pay cash for their first house), but they *are* too old to be behaving that way...even if they don't see the responsibility to stick to one's word, it's not about them and it's not their business. They're adults who should leave it alone and that's no way to behave towards a parent (and I can't help but think that it's not like their *father* gave birth to 'em

).

JRdetailerwoman- Sorry to hear you have their sniping to deal with on top of the situation itself. That's gotta be tough, having them piling on, and it's can't be too easy to blow it off when it's your own kids. What's that line....something like "sharper than a serpent's tongue is an ungrateful child".

Shame they don't see the personal responsibility issues involved. Wonder how they'll look back on this in a few decades.

Good for you, making your ex stand up and fulfill the obligations he agreed to, nothing wrong with making somebody be responsible.

Sheesh, this [stuff] is pretty common, huh? My pal's always going through this with *her* ex too, taking him to court all the time to force him to keep his word...how do those guys sleep at night?

JRdetailerwoman · 11-22-08, 10:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaGonz

Five years is far too long...if he hasn't made his settlement monetary obligations.. take him to court to get it... with interest!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Accumulator

Sheesh, this [stuff] is pretty common, huh? My pal's always going through this with *her* ex too, taking him to court all the time to force him to keep his word...how do those guys sleep at night?

DaGonz and Accumulator-thank you for your support!

Finally took him to court this year; this latest round of unpleasantness resulted from his arrest for failure to comply with the Judge's orders despite many warnings and chances. They released him after he paid part of his obligation. We still have to go back to court....