Not Sure How To Title This One

[Holden_C04]

I am no where near mid-life, at least I hope not. But lately, I dunno. Been feeling like there is more I should be doing or should have done already. I had a long list of things to accomplish when I was 18 and not a great number of them have been accomplished. Perhaps I am too ambitious for my own good.

I'm not sure if you can call this a crisis, but it has been a daily thought for the past few months or so.

[bert31]

I think everyone has those thoughts at a certain age, should I be more successful i my career, should I be married and have kids now, have I done enough good for those around me, etc.. Actually it is probably healthy to have those feelings every once in a while because you generally resolve to do more with your life when having those feelings.

That fact that this deep reflection has gone on for a few months is a little odd. I guess the best way to get out of this rut would be to pick on of the items on the list you made when you were 18 that still interests you today and resovle to accomplish it in the next 12 months. Just one, if you try to do them all, you will get burnt out but one should be doable. The process of completing should build your drive and ambition and when you do complete it, you should have a feeling of accomplishment.

[DavidB]

I'm a classic over-achiever. My mid-life crisis hit me hard, and I'm only just now really coming back out to be ME!

Along the path of over-achieving (that's having too many things on my list of "things to do"), one little phrase sticks out:

Remember You Don't Stop Laughing Because You Grow Old,
You Grow Old Because You Stop Laughing.

So, at the end of each day I try to take stock in what is, and ask myself "Did I laugh today?" If not, I must have been too busy working away at my list, which won't mean a hill of beans to anyone when I'm dead and gone.

[jpochile]

David that is a very wise and good phrase to remember and live by .

Cheers , Jean Paul

[Accumulator]

Originally Posted by Holden_C04

Been feeling like there is more I should be doing or should have done already. I had a long list of things to accomplish when I was 18 and not a great number of them have been accomplished..

Sometimes we simply change, and that changes what we prioritize/accomplish. Maybe the list just needs adjusted to better suit who you are now. And the contemplation oughta be beneficial, even if you decide the list was OK after all and that it's your priorities that need to change (to better accomplish the stuff on the list).

Assuming no mental health issues, when something keeps nagging away at you I'd say that's something you oughta be paying attention to, so I wouldn't beat myself up for thinking about it so much.

[Holden_C04]

I must admit, it's not just about what I have or haven't accomplished. I can remember in high school feeling much older than I was. In fact, I felt that way up to a few years ago. Now, I would say that the roles have reversed and I feel much younger than I actually am.

I suppose there's a definite conflict between my ambition, my sense of accomplishment, my need to provide for myself, and my desire to simply have fun.

[Jakerooni]

I think it's quite normal. (at least I hope so because I always get these feelings) I absoultly hated turning 30. That for me was probably the hardest time I had with a birthday. Grant it at 30 I was a college Graduate working as a design engineer for GM. In most people's eyes I was doing quite well for myself. But to me I hadn't felt like I accomplished anything. I was already divorced from my first wife. I had no house of my own didn't drive a fancy new anything.. I felt at 30 I should've had things all set.

Today I went to my son's tennis match at my old high school. And I think man it's been 20 years since I fist stepped in there as a freshman. I can't beleive where all the time went. Seems like it was just yesterday I was roaming the halls trying to get to class on time. So even today I had thoughts of "Is this it? Am I where I'm supposed to be?"

I read somewhere that "you go through your 20's drifting away dreaming of doing something with your life, You spend your 30's making it a reality and then you start enjoying your life and accomplishment's in your 40's." God I hope that's right. I'm 34 right now. Walked away from a design engineer career to become a buisness owner. I've built and sold 2 companies so far (Local clothing line and a towing company) Now I'm working on my detailing career and trying to make this grow into a successful business. I still don't feel like I've accomplished much of what I'm supposed to but everyday I keep taking steps to make it all a reality.

[the other pc]

Originally Posted by Jakerooni

... then you start enjoying your life and accomplishment's in your 40's." God I hope that's right. ....

Don’t count on it. You have to make it happen.

I’ve seen it go every which way. For some guys it works out. For others it doesn’t. Sometimes it’s just plain luck. Far more often than not it’s making your own luck.

I’ve also seen guys that could have started to enjoy it in their forties or earlier but got so wrapped up in working on it they blew right past it and somewhere down the line found themselves looking back wondering “what the hell happened?”

Don’t wait for some arbitrary level of “accomplishments” to start enjoying life.


PC.

[snowskate]

For me, 31, i've had my crisis arise out of worry that I haven't been doing what I really wanted to. My mid life crisis, luckily came early.

I've got a great paying job with tons of freedom and still don't like it. I guess I work to live at this point. 10 days after the Chicago Marathon my appendix burst AND JNJ had lay offs at the same time in 2004; I then deepened my involvement with physical "progressive" activities (snowboarding/skateboarding) that require me to raise my personal bar one season at a time. this has restored some balance.
Since then, I realized not to take life so seriously and let things slide while at the same time focusing on progressing my technical abilities.

My athleticism won't last forever, and although I'm still not at the top of my game, I appreciate it in the present moment. When the time comes for my skills to degrade, hopefully, I've gave it my best shot and can accept a slow regression in abilities.
I'll always have my mind and competitive drive, but I have to use my body while I can. Detailing is a great "progressive" outlet, but I feel I can detail a car well into old age.

The ultimate would be to mix "what gets you early and eagerly" out of bed with a career.

[MuttGrunt]

i think all men go through at least one stage of wanting to succeed in life and feeling desperate to make it.

i know it's something i thought a lot about while spending 15 months in afghanistan as a us army infantry fire team leader. how i wanted to do so much if i was blessed enough to return to my home country. now that i'm back and out, i'm trying to take advantage of all life has to offer. i might only be 23, but i feel much older and wiser (though that might not always be good) than my peers

[Accumulator]

Originally Posted by the other pc

..I’ve also seen guys that could have started to enjoy it in their forties or earlier but got so wrapped up in working on it they blew right past it and somewhere down the line found themselves looking back wondering “what the hell happened?”

That's one of the things I thought about when I decided to retire early. And I didn't want to be one of those people who "aren't more than their job", much as I did love the teaching.

Originally Posted by snowskate

My athleticism won't last forever, and although I'm still not at the top of my game, I appreciate it in the present moment. When the time comes for my skills to degrade, hopefully, I've gave it my best shot and can accept a slow regression in abilities.

You might be surprised. I'm still improving at age 48, and it's not like I was in bad shape before. My father was still doing cardio and freeweights in his mid-80s (and he was helping me detail his cars at that age too ).

Originally Posted by Holden_C04

... I can remember in high school feeling much older than I was. ... Now, I would say that the roles have reversed and I feel much younger than I actually am.

I too felt older when I was young and now feel younger now that I'm, well, not-young. Works well for me

I suppose there's a definite conflict between my ambition, my sense of accomplishment, my need to provide for myself, and my desire to simply have fun.

IMO inner conflict/cognitive dissonance isn't good, I'd rather have all those things working in concert, enhancing and reinforcing each other. Sometimes it's just a matter of perspective, other times you're holding on to contradictions that need sorted out.

Originally Posted by muttgrunt

i know it's something i thought a lot about while spending 15 months in afghanistan as a us army infantry fire team leader. how i wanted to do so much if i was blessed enough to return to my home country. now that i'm back and out, i'm trying to take advantage of all life has to offer. i might only be 23, but i feel much older and wiser (though that might not always be good) than my peers

Glad you made it back OK (and thanks for your service). After your time on the two-way range I bet you really *ARE* a whole lot older and wiser than your peers (and a lot of "old, wise" people too). And IMO, at your age of 23, a lot of that *is* good.

[Flashtime]

Mid-life? That depends on when you die.