what would you do (relationship stuff) kinda long - Page 3

John Styrnol · 09-14-06, 07:20

If you do stay with her, watch her closely. Otherwise bail now. Talk things out first.

Accumulator · 09-15-06, 11:46

mustanginky- I sure wouldn't be proposing marriage at this point, but I don't see it as a "must bail" situation either. Settle down at 20 and 23?!? Yikes, I wouldn't even *start* to think about it yet. But hey, that's just me...

I do think it bodes ill when people have serious arguments though, and it sounds like yours get pretty heated. Heh heh, if I pulled a "*** you little *******!!!!!! " Accumulatorette would probably smack me a good one on her way out of my life.

My wife and I are both good friends with some of our, uhm, previously significant others. No jealousy, no problems of any kind. If somebody told me I couldn't associate with somebody, *anybody*, I'd say "take a hike" and my wife is the same way. If we didn't trust each other to that extent then we wouldn't be right for each other anyhow. And we *like* those people, we're just not in love with them any more (gee,

I sound like your girlfriend, huh?).

Don't take this the wrong way, but what bothers you about her being friends with the guy? Unless you really think she's cheating on you with him, IMO it shouldn't bug you. If you *do* think she's cheating on you, well, that's a different matter.. you don't want to get very involved with somebody you don't trust.

wytstang · 09-15-06, 12:00

When in doubt....when in fear.....drop a gear.....and disappear

mustanginky · 09-15-06, 02:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by Accumulator

Don't take this the wrong way, but what bothers you about her being friends with the guy? Unless you really think she's cheating on you with him, IMO it shouldn't bug you. If you *do* think she's cheating on you, well, that's a different matter.. you don't want to get very involved with somebody you don't trust.

what bothers me about it is the stuff i went through and all of it with her in the past about her ex. she almost dumped me to go out with him and put me through hell for a little while. i love her, that's the only reason i have stayed with her. i do not have a problem in general with them talking on the phone or whatever, but meeting him for lunch is a total different thing in and of itself. im not a jealous type.

Surfer · 09-15-06, 03:21

Tell her you need a break, plain and simple. That will tell you soon enough whether you should stay with her (or if she really wants to be with you etc).

Picus · 09-15-06, 06:00

The fact that you posted this thread is your answer. I am not just going to yell "GTFO", but I would seriously consider giving her a lot of space and letting her figure out what *she* wants. Right now all you're doing is setting yourself up. It sounds like you're a reasonable guy - play the field.

a.k.a. Patrick · 09-15-06, 06:43

Obviously communication is key, as with any relationship. Listening is just as important. Listen to her feedback, is it sincere, or is she buying time with some irrelevant response. Is she attempting to resolve your concerns? Or hoping they'll just go away. She may be beautiful, and everything you currently are seeking in a young woman, but is she mature and stable....
Is 23 too young to propose? I proposed when I was 23, married at 24, first born at 25, then again at 28 and 31!! LOL.....BE READY for marriage.
I think 20 is too young to comprehend exactly what a life commitment is. Have you both had all your "single", non-committed fun yet? Where/what are her closest friends doing with there lives, any of them settleing down?
Its kind of funny. I was the first of all my buddies to settle down and start a family. They eventually followed suit, but now there in there 40's with 5 and unders, while mine are going to college or highs school..(OK my youngest is in 7th grade, a girl, and has me totally wrapped) Slight thread jack...............sorry
Anyway, if its mean to be, this will work out with a little effort on both parts. Your both still young, and in love i suppose. Remember, with love, age, and respect, comes maturity. Lets see

if she has what it takes.....

Accumulator · 09-15-06, 06:55

mustanginky- OK, you know her and I don't, so you have a better feel for what she's really thinking.

Biggest thing here (again, just IMO) is that being in love with/in a relationship with her shouldn't be stressing you out. There just shouldn't be stress if everything is cool. Like everyone is saying, the two of you need to talk this thing through. It might lead to the two of you making some big decisions.

martinager · 09-15-06, 09:39

Ok, I have seen too many of my friends go through this exact situation. [Does everyone go out with a girl in this time period?]

Sit down with her and tell her him or me ? If she has a spec of respect left in her for you, she will understand. Its ludacris to put yourself through hell so she can go see her "friend".

vdog0531 · 09-15-06, 11:14

if she's just like a guy when it comes to relaitonships.. that means she probably ****ed him at lunch...

qballjr13 · 09-16-06, 06:53

Well I think we are curious to hear how it went last night with the talk! But here is my opinion...Listen to your friends and family, no matter how much you seem to disagree with what they are saying or how much it hurts. Those are the people that relaly care about you and want you to be happy, they know you best. I had a girl that was cheating on me and I refused to believe anyone. It hurt so much to hear other people talking like about her. But because I was so blinded by what I thought what "love" that I refused to listen and come to find out they were ALL right. Your family, friends included, know you better than anyone and know the type of person that is right for you. If your reall confused ask our family for their honest opinion and LISTEN to it...good, bad or otherwise. All we can do is share experience with you, take it for what it is. A lot of these guys have some good life lessons for you (and me too) so listen and keep an open mind.

mustanginky · 09-16-06, 10:31

well the talk went pretty good i guess. i told her how i felt, and she said that if she had known i would have been mad then she wouldnt have done it, that it would have never happened. i told her that if she wants to keep a friendship talking to him and stuff im cool with that (after all, she was with him for 4 years and i dont want to keep her from talking to somebody, im not a control freak) but seeing him for lunch is out of the question. i told her how it hurt my feelings and that i felt like she didnt respect my opinion on this issue, and she was sorry that it had happened.

i dont know where this takes us. there are other things than this that are kind of going wrong. i want to give her a little space, where she can live a 20 yr olds life and be happy, and not tell her she cant go out and have fun without me, because i've never been the type. i'll let her actions speak louder than words, if she wants to treat me like i dont exist, then that's what she wants and what will make her happy. if she wants me she'll let me know. if she wants to go out with friends, i wont say anything about it. if she wants me there, i'll be there.

right now is a sensitive time during the month too, i must add, so there might be things that she said angrily that she didnt mean, lol