what would you do (relationship stuff) kinda long - Page 2

rjstaaf · 09-14-06, 02:17

I am not so sure I would "get out" but, I certainly wouldn't pop the question. Maybe you just need to regroup and think of the relationship on a different level. If you are truly only the second guy she has dated then she really isn't ready for marriage no matter how she feels right now. You can bet at some point she would start wondering what it is she missed out on by not dating more and you will both wind up hurt.

Just my 2 cents whatever that is worth these days

mustanginky · 09-14-06, 02:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by rjstaaf

. If you are truly only the second guy she has dated then she really isn't ready for marriage no matter how she feels right now. You can bet at some point she would start wondering what it is she missed out on by not dating more and you will both wind up hurt.

Just my 2 cents whatever that is worth these days

i dont know that i totally agree, my sister is happily married to the second guy she dated.

rjstaaf · 09-14-06, 02:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by mustanginky

i dont know that i totally agree, my sister is happily married to the second guy she dated.

There are always going to be the exceptions but, I would say your sister is not in the majority. You have to decide if you want to take the risk and pursue a more serious relationship with her.

mustanginky · 09-14-06, 02:50

well it's already kinda serious, im semi living with her. i keep stuff over there just in case i stay the night, but im there about 3-4 nights a week

AL-53 · 09-14-06, 02:58

The answer to your question is not what others give..but is deep within your self...only you can answer what you seek answers for...if you are riding an emotional rollercoaster the ride will end whether it be a good ride or a crash....only you will know how much you can tolerate..

If you do not search within yourself for your answer and stay blind with hope...you have no one to blame but yourself if you get hurt...

Sit down with your Girlfriend...talk to her and seek your answers...you know your situation and girlfriend better than any of us..

Good Luck

AL

K_Csaxo · 09-14-06, 02:58

be very careful mate, i understand that you have really deep feelings for your GF but 8 months regardless of what you have both been through, is a very short period of time to be thinking of such a great commitment. from the sounds of it she obviousley still has feelings for him due to the length of time she saw this other person, so naturally she still has feelings for him and that i can understand. she is being honest with you and telling you that she is meeting him etc, however i would consider stepping back from this proposal business and take a look at the bigger picture.

this other person is bothering you and you have expressed your concern, yet she has told you that they are just friends but still disregards your wishes. sounds a little suspect and IMO just like the advice of others be cautious and give it some space. it maybe sound like something you dont want to hear but honestly, we are all just looking out for you as no one wants to be on the receiving end of a cheating partner.

zippymbr · 09-14-06, 03:31

WALK AWAY. I know good women are hard to find but she is still very young. I found the girl of my dreams at your age but she was the same age not younger and still klinging onto an ex. You are heading down a long road if you are considering marriage. It takes alot more than love to last. I have only been married 10 years but I have found out what works for us. The "in love" feeling only lasts a few years and then your relationship and commitment will take you the rest of the way. She is not ready to commit to only one guy if she is doing what she is doing.

TH0001 · 09-14-06, 03:40

I was in a similar situation, thought I was in love at 21 (she was 25 though, not 20) but whatever. Age is realitive. My ex used hand out with her ex, talk to him at night, ect.... I finally grew some "balls" realized that I valued myself enough to the point that she should value my feeling over her exs. I finally stood up and told her to make a choice between my happiness or his. I told her (calmely) how much this bothered me and how I felt like she was sending me mixed messages. Well we broke up (thank GOD), and after a rambouncus summer, I met a U.C.F. cheerleader who happened to be really sweet and down to earth (not to mention stunningly gorgeous).

She was everything my ex wasn't, and I was so appericative to meet somebody that truely put my feelings first (like you are currently doing to her by trying to be supportive and understand). I've been married to her for a year now, we have been together for 6.

mustanginky · 09-14-06, 03:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by AL-53

The answer to your question is not what others give..but is deep within your self...only you can answer what you seek answers for...if you are riding an emotional rollercoaster the ride will end whether it be a good ride or a crash....only you will know how much you can tolerate..

If you do not search within yourself for your answer and stay blind with hope...you have no one to blame but yourself if you get hurt...

Sit down with your Girlfriend...talk to her and seek your answers...you know your situation and girlfriend better than any of us..

Good Luck

AL

thanks bro thats the best advice i have received...

guys i appreciate your mature responses, and take what you say into consideration, but i think al here is right. i told her today how i felt, and i dunno how it's gonna go. i sent her an email b/c im at school all day, and she's at work. i told her i wanna talk tonight about it, and see whats going on in her mind.

velobard · 09-14-06, 04:46

IMO it sounds like she, and perhaps both of you, aren't really ready to take that step yet. No need to rush marriage, you're both still young and have plenty of time.

Cactus1 · 09-14-06, 06:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by mustanginky

i told her i wanna talk tonight about it, and see whats going on in her mind.

That's a good idea. You obviously have some doubts or you wouldn't be asking (good for you); trust those feelings. I also disagree with the advice to just "dump her" now. She is only 20 years old and hasn't had a lot of experience with men OR life. It's going to be hard for her to simply turn off all feelings for a guy she was with for 4 years. I have been married 22 years and love my wife dearly (and would never cheat on her) but I still have fond memories of old girlfriends.

You will have to deal with the fact that right now she is "comparing" you to the old boyfriend. Nothing you do will prevent that; only she can decide if you are "better" than the old guy. Just be yourself and treat her as she should be treated!

Let her know that her continued contact with her old boyfriend is hurting you and hurting your relationship. If she really loves you, she will terminate contact with her ex. If not, you have to decide if it's something you can live with, but it sounds like you can't. Don't "get even" with her as that will just escalate into a big battle and eventual breakup.

If she chooses her old boyfriend over you, so be it! It sucks and it hurts terribly but you get over it.

Just let time take it's course and don't rush things thinking if you marry her then she has to get rid of her ex. Right now your still in the stage where you can't keep your hands off each other. It will take time to develop the trust, respect and comfort that makes a relationship last.

Good luck.

tdekany · 09-14-06, 06:42

Al is right because that is what you want to hear. You are not the guy for her. Regardless of her age. As Scott said: Get out now. You can trust me when I say that she will not come around and change. BUT< it is your life. I guess for what ever reason, part of you want to suffer. So be it.

You are not THE guy for her. Sorry.