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Originally Posted by mustanginky i told her i wanna talk tonight about it, and see whats going on in her mind. |
That's a good idea. You obviously have some doubts or you wouldn't be asking (good for you); trust those feelings. I also disagree with the advice to just "dump her" now. She is only 20 years old and hasn't had a lot of experience with men OR life. It's going to be hard for her to simply turn off all feelings for a guy she was with for 4 years. I have been married 22 years and love my wife dearly (and would never cheat on her) but I still have fond memories of old girlfriends.
You will have to deal with the fact that right now she is "comparing" you to the old boyfriend. Nothing you do will prevent that; only she can decide if you are "better" than the old guy. Just be yourself and treat her as she should be treated!
Let her know that her continued contact with her old boyfriend is hurting you and hurting your relationship. If she really loves you, she will terminate contact with her ex. If not, you have to decide if it's something you can live with, but it sounds like you can't. Don't "get even" with her as that will just escalate into a big battle and eventual breakup.
If she chooses her old boyfriend over you, so be it! It sucks and it hurts terribly but you get over it.
Just let time take it's course and don't rush things thinking if you marry her then she has to get rid of her ex. Right now your still in the stage where you can't keep your hands off each other. It will take time to develop the trust, respect and comfort that makes a relationship last.
Good luck.